Why You Need to SLOOOOOW Down That Next Relationship

Posted by Delaine - February 26, 2013 - Fears & Challenges, Longing...and Learning, Relationships - 4 Comments

There’s a natural progression to relationships and it usually looks something like this: we date, we sleep over at each other’s houses more and more frequently, we move in together, we get married.

Oftentimes, we look at moving in together/getting married stage as the ultimate ideal – lives are completely integrated.  And we often assume that the quicker we get there, the better; we need to keep the relationship moving forward, right?

This progression and timeline may be what we know from our former marriages; and we may assume we want it again and that anything slower or “less than” isn’t as meaningful.  But have you ever paused to question that mindset/ heartset?  Have you ever wondered if that conditioning needs a bit of tweaking now that you’re divorced?

Take Lorena, a divorced mother of three, as an example.  After dating her boyfriend for eight months, they decided it was time for the “next step” and moved in together. “I was so happy and in love with him,” said Lorena.  “We had so much in common, we were sleeping at each other’s house whenever we could, and we both wanted to move our relationship forward.  So why wait? “

But fast forward it six months – everything has been a struggle.  From parenting to organizing meal times to personal space/time issues to money problems, Lorena says her life feels “out of control.”  She said, “If I could redo anything I would go back and not move in together.  I would continue dating him for a couple of years and really treasure not just our date nights, but the spare time I had to myself when he wasn’t around.  I didn’t realize how much I enjoy “me time” until it was taken away from me.”

Hmmm.  Can you relate to your Lorena’s story at all?  Have you learned to embrace the joys of being on your own, or do you assume the grass is much greener in a super serious and living together kind of relationship?

Lorena loves this man very much.  But love is not the issue.   The issue is that many new factors are affecting her relationship this time round - children to consider, financial circumstances, and the availability of free time, just to name a few.’  In short, this relationship is way more complicated than she ever imagined.  Not that she assumed it would be smooth sailing, she knew there would be big adjustments.  But she wishes she’d taken things slower and smelled the roses when it was just her and the kids.  “I never really knew how to,” she admits.  “I was focused on the fact that a man was ‘missing’ from my life so I always felt incomplete.  Oh, if I only knew then what I know now…”

Rest assured ladies, your next big relationship is on its way towards you, if it’s not already on your doorstep or in your bed.  Just be mindful to keep it slow. Look around you, wherever you’re at, and allow the love and blessings you already have to fill you.  For relationships  aren’t a race – you may ‘know’ that, yet still be on autopilot to cross the finish line – a finish line that holds primarily chaos beyond it.  Think about it in a way you haven’t before.