TIMING: Now Probably Isn’t The Best Time To Look For a Boyfriend

Posted by Delaine - September 7, 2011 - Dating & Sex, Fears & Challenges, Longing...and Learning, Relationships - No Comments

At various times since I got divorced, I’ve felt that life would be a heck of a lot better if I had another partner to share it with.  Especially when I was going through ‘dark phases’ – God, how I yearned to have a man to protect,comfort, and love me…

But four years later, I fully believe  that when boyfriends aren’t ’appearing’, it’s because the timing ISN’T right -  even when we’re adamant it is; even if everything else in our lives is going great!

“Let me give you an example of what I mean by this ,” I said to my newly divorcing girlfriend over lunch the other day, who was feeling lonely and blue.  “Right now, given that I have book soon coming out, I could still give in to feeling sorry for myself and think, ‘Ho hum, if only I had a partner to share this with…”

“But the reality is that if I did have a partner in my life right now, I probably wouldn’t share so much of the book journey with you and our circle of girlfriends: every time something new developed, I’d reach for the phone to call HIM, not you.

My girlfriend was nodding her head.  “I’ve never thought of that before,” she admitted.  “But it’s true.”

I continued: “There’s also a good chance my boyfriend wouldn’t get as excited about my book stuff as you ladies do – cause he didn’t live it with me, he doesn’t know what the journey has entailed. Hell, he might not even like the subject matter given that there’s a fair amount of sex in there!   

“You GIRLS, on the other hand, lived it with me.  You know everything: my history, my struggles, and you ’get’ how much it means to me. When I share exciting stuff with you ladies, I feel like we did it TOGETHER.   So in all truth, a boyfriend in the picture right now might detract from that!”

I also pointed out to her that our upcoming trip to New York City would look very different if I had a boyfriend: I’m going there in October to pitch TV producers at the National Publicity Summit. And when I told my girlfriends of my plans, they were so excited, they decided to come with me – all 10 of them!

So really, is NOW the best time for me to have a boyfriend?  Do I want to miss out on my own “Sex In the City” experience with ‘my gals’?  Do I want to take one ounce of energy away from making my book dream come true?  No, I really don’t! 

So I invite you to look at YOUR life, at YOUR lack of having a partner, and to question if, in the big picture, there may be a good reason for it:  do you need to learn to ‘survive’?  Do you have other relationships in need of attendance? Is there an area of your life you need to ‘get going on’ and you flip to feelings of partner neediness, in part, out of habit?  Take a bird’s eye view, or ask a close friend for her perspective…what do you see?