“The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom”

Posted by Delaine - September 6, 2011 - Between the Sheets, Concerns & Fears, Cougars & Single Moms, Dating & Sex, From the Dating Trenches, Infidelity, Internet Dating, Longing...and Learning, On Writing My Book, Sexual Issues & Kinks, Social Barriers & Change, Strong Mind & Spirit, Women's Sexuality - 15 Comments

So I’m knee-deep into the publishing process on my upcoming memoir, which is slated for release in Spring 2012. And my publisher, which is the feminist publisher Seal Press, has changed the title of it.  It’s now:

The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom.

(gulp)….A little more in-your-face than its original title,  ”A Woman’s Body Never Lies”, don’t you think?

I have to admit I was rather apprehensive about having the word “sex” in the title at first.  Cause even though yes, my memoir DOES have a fair amount of sex in it (OK, it has a LOT), it’s not a sexual memoir.  Believe me, if it were, I would have totally beefed up the sex scenes! My goal in writing it was to make sense of the insanity I was going through  – NOT to excite myself or my readers with ‘juice’.  In my opinion, by the time we get into our late thirties, we’ve ALL had sex – good AND bad – so to me, the story was more on the profound learning, the unspoken, the repressed, the emerging self, the awakening fire.  I had buried so much of myself inside of me to try and be the perfect wife and mom…my memoir is the story of how I let ‘her’ out.

Even though I’m not in the same place today as I was almost three years ago when I wrote it, I totally acknowledge and honor how that year changed my life.  More than that, it changed my opinion of me: who I thought I ‘should’ be, verses who I was.  And you know what?  I take ownership for all the choices back then – even though I know some will judge me harshly for it, especially since I was divorcing MOM.

But women can be many things – great mothers, sisters, friends, corporate leaders, productive members of their communities – AND they can be sexual beings.  The severe labeling of ‘Good Girl/Wife’ or ‘Whore’, the tagging that relegates a woman to being pure or impure has to stop.  For me, once I hit my late thirties and my life fell apart, it was like,  instead of worrying about all my shoulds and coulds, why can’t I do what I want?  Seriously.  How old do we have to be before we’re trusted to make such choices?  Why do choices have to be labelled ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’ when it comes to ownership of our bodies?

Anyways…I’ve decided I like the title.   I just need to learn how to say it without mumbling or blushing: )