Never-Again Heart Break: It’ll NEVER Hurt So Bad Again

Posted by Delaine - May 30, 2011 - Grief/ Anger, Infidelity, Phases/ Stages, Wisdom Gained - No Comments

I was thinking about ‘heart break’ this weekend.  Not because I’m sad or because I’ve recently been hurt by someone. Rather, it’s cause I made the peaceful realization that I will never again hurt in this life because of a man, as deeply as I did when I discovered my ex-husband was having an affair.

I’m not saying I’ve built protective walls around my heart.  On the contrary, I’m confident that I’ll experience love – and hurt –  in a future relationship.  What I  mean is that a man shall never be able to  shock me, horrify me, rip my heart apart and destroy my faith in life and myself, the way my husband’s betrayed did.  Never again shall I love and ‘lose’ that acutely, that helplessly, or for that long.  Why? Cause it was my ‘first’; and part of what fed my pain, part of what caused such immense mourning, was the death of my idealism and naivite; they screamed loudest as the ship went down.

I’m not sure if what that makes sense to anyone but me *grin.  I suppose that in the big picture, it all comes down to ‘growing up’.  I mean, at some point in every person’s life, he/she hits a rock bottom that leaves her totally broken and shaking.  And I mean TOTALLY broken and shaking…

But as time ticks on, and she arduously climbs her way out, she realizes that the idealism and naivite that hurt so much to let go of, have been replaced with strength and wisdom.  She knows nothing is forever: love, loss, pain, joy…  And she smiles – for she knows that no matter what tomorrow may bring, she can handle it.