The Cheater & His Self-Loathing

Posted by Delaine - March 22, 2011 - Healing, Infidelity, Surviving, Wisdom Gained - 24 Comments

You my not see it.   But it’s there… deep within him. It is beyond his admission, beyond his self-awareness. But it’s there,  eating away at his soul…

His self-loathing.

He may seem all blissfully happy-in-love with her; look at that skip in his step. That skips says that he wants nothing more than to ‘get rid of you,’; you’re a pest that keeps biting him in the ankle. Because of YOU, he can’t move on and be ‘free.’

But you’re not enchaining him, you’re reminding him…of his self-loathing.  

His anger masks it. Mean words. Venomous actions. Like trying to take custody of the kids. Trying to stop paying you. Trying to control you, limit you, and make you suffer.

But you are on your way to freedom, it is he who is possessed….by his self-loathing.

For can’t you see?  He still can’t look you in the eye. He always looks away. It’s not because the sight of you “disgusts him” like he says. It’s cause he’s hiding something in there that he’s too cowardly to face.  His self-loathing.

Some part of him knows that he is responsible for how his life looks. That he arrived here and now because of choices he made back then. And they were bad choices. Maybe even hard choices. Regardless, they were choices with consequences.

But as for YOU, dear woman, you must not allow your compassion to excuse the choices he’s making now; for his mean words and venomous actions ARE choices, whether he makes them blindly or not.

It is not your job to fix him.

It is not your job to help him find his way.

Your job is to take care of you and your children.

 And leave the cheater to his karma.