Blast From the Past: Reconnecting With A Long-Long-Ago Flame

Posted by Delaine - January 13, 2011 - Healing, Phases/ Stages, Wisdom Gained - 6 Comments

Recently I flew to my former hometown of Ottawa, Ontario to visit my family.  And while  there, I experienced something that I bet happens to a lot of divorced women and men: I met up for drinks with an old flame – a boyfriend I hadn’t seen in some 15 years.  

Meeting with him wasn’t something I’d planned, it just kind of fell easily into place.   But at the end of our evening together, I realized that he was meant to give me a ‘message.’

He kept asking me what I’d been up to over the past 15 years.  He wanted details; he cared to know.  So I tried to briefly sum it up – you know, moving across the country, getting married, having three kids, getting divorced, being single again…

And I gotta say, telling my ‘story’ felt weird.  Almost as if I was making it up.  It was as if time had played tricks on me and none of the past decade had even happened. It was as if I was in some strange time warp: before me was this attractive, warm man that I’d once dated and made love to and cared deeply for - so I knew him, yet I didn’t at all.  Even the bar we were sitting in cast that strange vibe – for he and I use to frequent it, but it had been renovated and changed owners over the years; again, I knew it, yet I didn’t.  All around me and stirring within me, I felt the energy of a much-younger Delaine: the Delaine of her twenties; The ”Pre-Motherhood and Divorced” Delaine.    

As we talked, I kept wondering how I seemed to him – if the heaviness of the past few years of my life showed in my eyes, my aura, and the lines on my face.  Do I seem bitter?  I wondered.  Jaded?  Closed?  Angry?  Was he secretly thinking, ‘Oh my, what a shame that Delaine has turned into this?’

But at the end of the night, as he drove me to my car, I heard him deliver the ‘message’ I needed to hear.  Out of the blue he began talking about the phenomenal impact I’d had on his life when we were younger (I’d had no idea) …and how, even now, he could easily see what a warm, wonderful woman I am – his list of adjectives went on and on.  Finally,  “You haven’t changed one bit, Delaine,” he said adamantly.

I balked.  Mouth open.  I haven’t changed?  Is he on glue???

Then a whisper from my Higher Self:  Shut up and let his words in, Delaine.  You ARE still the same warm, beautiful soul today as you were back then.   You are so much more than just some single mom who weathered divorce and infidelity. You aren’t as hardened as you thought.

Warmth gradually spread through my chest – and suddenly I felt as free and beautiful as I was when I was 24. 

Maybe this is why we sometimes need to reconnect with old flames after divorce. Maybe they’re ultimately designed to retune us with our core.