“Time” – Can A Busy Divorced Mom Make it Her Friend?

Posted by Delaine - December 14, 2010 - Career & Money, Parenting, Single Moms - No Comments

“Even if the day was 36 hours long, I still couldn’t accomplish everything I need to do.”

“I’m spread so thinly I feel like I’m sucking in every area of my life.”

“With three young kids AND working full-time, I never get enough time for ME.”

These are all statements I’ve thought and said aloud many times, in different variations, since I became a separated/divorced mother three years ago.  And I’ve meant them and said them with passion. Cause it’s true – my life was and is still crazy.  Tough in ways I never dreamed possible.

But a few months ago, on the heels on me charting some new life goals and deciding I want a more positive outlook on the world, I noticed that every single person in my life was also talking about how  ’busy’ and stressed-out she was, even if she wasn’t a divorced mom.  In no way do I point this out to say that it’s a ‘competition’ as to who has it hardest: their stress and worry are very real to them.  Instead I mention it because it got me thinking about my relationship with this thing called Time.  Why, I began wondering, do I equate my ongoing state of  extreme ‘busyness’ with being ‘bad’?  Is it really always ‘bad’?  Then:  What if the universe was – on some level – mirroring back my negative beliefs around time? 

Mentally I began scanning through my day-to-day life, examining where the majority of my energy and time was spent.  No surpise, it was my children and my new career.  But then a most enlightening thought struck me – “What I do with my time reflects my priorities.”  And you know what?  I’m proud that I’m putting those two things first right now. Moreover, not that life is bundle of roses, but for the most part, I really enjoy them.  So why was I constantly complaining about putting my time into them?

Why?  Because some part of me thinks I ‘should’ be giving other areas of my life more attention, ie: friendships, fitness, my dating life.  This ‘should’ rings in my ears, causing me to feel guilty and stressed  - after all, we’re suppose to lead ’balanced’ lives at any given point in time, right?  

But I think it’s ‘time’ to call phoey on that.   Balance is something that sometimes needs to be measured on a life  ‘phase to phase’ level, not a day-to-day basis.  The reality is that at this point in time, I’m focused on what I want and need to care of first and foremost - tasks that are directly in alignment with my morals/priorities, even if they aren’t all fun and rosy.  I’m confident that over time, those other ‘lacking’ areas will be covered as well.

So I’ve vowed to stop referring to time as my enemy.   Instead, you’ll hear me saying things like this:

“I am so grateful to feel so passionate about my family and work life.”

“I have more than enough time for everything and everyone in my life.”

And, perhaps most importantly,  “I have more than enough down time, so that I can recharge, rejuvenate and align myself with the goals and plans I’m achieving.”

And you know what? Ever since I stopped giving Time evil powers and focused instead on doing affirmations, using my Mind Movies video, and following a new action plan towards my future goals,  more free time has come out of nowhere.  No – like this is uncanny:  first, my girlfriend phoned me out of the blue last weekend and asked if she could take ALL of my kids for the evening and overnight.   No one has ever offered to do that since I got divorced!  (And understandably so – it’s a lot of work!)  But there I was, suddenly with an entire Saturday evening and night off.  Go figure.

Then came the HUGE one:  staring me in the face was an amazing opportunity to attend a five day/night training course down in Las Vegas during the first week of November.  But it hinged on my finding a sitter for my children.  Unfortunately, my mom and former mother-in law couldn’t fly into town on such short notice.   And I didn’t want to hire someone I didn’t know or trust…

But you know what happened?  Two of my girlfriends voluntarily offered to sleep at my house and care for my kids.  Moreover, shock of shockers, my ex-husband even offered to take the kids one night.   So not only am I attending this course ,which I am super excited to be a part of, I’m flying to Vegas eight hours ealier so I can do some shopping – whooppee!

So let me add the following affirmations to my growing list:

“I am so grateful for my amazingly, wonderful girlfriends”;  AND

“The universe is 100% supporting me  as I pursue my dreams and showing me so through unexpected gifts.”