Is Sex The Most Important Part of a Relationship or Marriage?

Posted by Delaine - December 20, 2010 - Relationships, Sex, Sexual Issues & Kinks, Understanding Men/Women - 17 Comments

Not long ago, a girlfriend of mine had a conversation with her husband that went like this:

“So…did you have fun with the guys playing poker last night?”


She sat there waiting…finally : “So what do you guys talk about when you meet up?”

He looked at her like she was green. “What do you mean?”

“Do you talk about work? Sports? Sex? Do you complain about your wives? What?”

He sighed. “We don’t get all personal the way you and your friends do if that’s what you’re asking.”

“But you do talk about your wives?”

He could tell she wasn’t going to leave it alone. “YES. We do talk about our wives. But we don’t complain about how much money they’re spending or if they’ve gained weight. No one ever complains about his wife being a bad mom. The only complaint that goes around the table time and time again on any given night is that they aren’t getting enough sex.”

When my girlfriend relayed this conversation to me I was irritated. Stupid, insensitive men, I thought. Maybe if they helped their wives out with workload around the house, they’d more amorously-inclined instead of exhausted.

But later on, my friend’s conversation made internal alarm bells go off. For truly, how long can men (or women) go without ‘enough’?

My ex-husband didn’t go long – he cheated on me three years into our marriage. I’d known we’d had problems in our sex life – but I thought there were way more important things in a relationship than sex. Like our three infant children. Our trust and love of one another. All that we’d built together. You know – important stuff.

One look at infidelity statistics show that fulfilling sex IS really important to most people. An estimated 50-62% of women cheat on their husbands, compared to 70% of married men. Moreover, one partner in 80% of marriages has an affair.

So maybe sex SHOULD be at the top of our lists when we assess the happiness level in our relationships. Cause at the end of the day, how long can anyone go without feeling PASSION of some sort?