Redo and Reclaim The Master Bedroom After Divorce – Why & How

Posted by Delaine - January 12, 2010 - Advice, Healing, On being alone, Phases/ Stages - No Comments

bedroom-redo-divorce-2Within months of separating from my ex two years ago, I suddenly felt an incredible need to redecorate the master bedroom.   I’m not sure if I did it more as a mental distraction at the time, or if some unconscious part of me knew I needed  to ‘get him out of there” and make a new space just for me. Regardless, redecorating had an astoundingly soothing AND uplifting effect on me.  The master bedroom became MY place to rest and recharge, MY personal space, a reflection of ME …even though just outside the door was a family dream and identity in shambles.

I didn’t have the budget for a major redecorating project.  Nor the heart or energy.  Nonetheless, some major cleaning, some minor purchases, and some fabulous accents completely transformed my bedroom and helped air out my soul.  So here are eight tips for separated women/men to consider…and again, for the soothing energy it brings, I recommend you do it sooner, rather than later

1)  Do a Major Cleaning. We’re talking behind dressers, under the bed, through the closet and drawers, etc.  It’s not just about cleanliness, it’s to ensure you don’t have ‘surprises’ in future – like a forgotten-about wedding photo suddenly peeking out from under the dresser.  Nor do you want ‘off-limits’ areas in your room; places where his energy still lurks through tangible objects, IE: his bedside table.

2) Move Furniture Around. This can totally alter how you feel as soon as you enter the room AND while you’re in it.  Even if you can only move a piece of furniture a few feet or two, the feel can be dramatic when all the other small changes you make are added up.

3) Introduce New Accent Colors. If you’re anything like I was, the mere idea of repainting the walls feels exhausting.  Instead I replaced all the blue accents in the room with deep red and chocolate brown.  Though your taste in color may differ, it’s recommended you avoid flashy, bright colors if you’re going for cozy and rejuvenating.

4)  Go Shopping. Again, transforming your room doesn’t have to be expensive.  Some new additions to consider are:

  • comfy pillows
  • a throw rug
  • a new bedspread
  • a new bed-skirt
  • lamps
  • artwork  (I chose a sensual piece of a naked woman lying on her stomach)
  • dresser liners and covers
  • inspirational words (IE: ”Bliss”, “Passion”, “Renew”)  I bought a few of these words in white wood, painted them black and hung them on the wall in front of my bed so I’d see them as soon as I woke up.
  • blinds and/ or curtains (I bought a beautiful piece of deep red fabric and draped it around the border of my window.  Underneath are ugly nails that I hammered in with a shoe!)

5)  Spread A New Fragrance Through The Room. Oil burners, candles or potpourri are a great way to do this.  You may want to try warm scents like cinnamon, pumpkin, or (my favorite) vanilla shortbread.

6) Change the lighting. I did this by buying normal incandescent light bulbs for my lamps – they make yellow light instead of the white light of fluorescent lamps.  Still easy to read by, yet way softer on the eyes and mood.

7) Keep It Neat & Tell The Kids It’s To Stay That Way! After I redid my room, I told my three young kids that it was “Mommy’s Special Room” and a “Toy-Free Zone.”  Oh sure, as I write, I know there’s a plastic pink guitar and some barbies strewn across my bed that shouldn’t be there.  But my point is that out of all the rooms in the house, you’re entitled to one that is truly yours.   It’s a small step towards setting boundaries and prioritizing your needs.

8)  Bring in More of YOU. What do you like to read?  Then put them on your shelf or in your nightstand.  What about personal ornaments?  Or special photographs that make you smile?  Now you can create a space for them – this is all about what feels good to YOU.

Do you have any other recommendations for redecorating a bedroom on a budget?  How has redoing your bedroom affected you?