My Top Three Turn-Offs About SOME Divorced Dads

Posted by Delaine - September 1, 2009 - Dating & Sex, From the Dating Trenches, Parenting, Single Dads, Single Moms - 34 Comments

divorced-dad-turn-off1On the heels of my positive article called Seven Reasons Why I Like To Date Divorced Men, I now want to disclose the top three things that turn me off dating some divorced DADS. Please read that again – I said SOME divorced DADS. And no, this is not meant to undermine the positive stuff I said in my other article.

Turn off #1:  They moan and complain about having to pay child support and/or alimony. There are very good reasons why the laws are the way they are and men are required to pay support.  Do they always seem fair?  No.  Can it make life challenging, if not downright tough for awhile?  Absolutely.  But there are two sides to every story in divorce, and quite frankly, no matter how a man tries to convince me he’s been totally screwed over, I don’t buy it.   He has financial obligations to his children – PERIOD.  If he has to pay spousal, those are his responsibilities too.  If the situation is truly THAT unjust, he should bring it before a judge.  Otherwise, he needs to accept that this is the way it will be in the short term, stop complaining and MOVE ON. 

I know it can be really hard to be a divorced dad – in many ways.  And I know it sucks having to get up every single day, go off to work, deal with that stress, only to juggle parenting with doing laundry, exercising, cooking meals, and running errands.  But that doesn’t abdicate you from your financial responsibilities.  Nor does it give you free reign to devalue your ex and her life; who are you to put a dollar amount on her head?  Why should you complain about paying her to validate the busyness of your life?  Your personal happiness is not based solely on what’s in your wallet so stop acting like she took away your soul.  I want to know that your spiritual evolution has surpassed the value you place upon your wallet.

Turn off #2:  They sing the woes of being a ‘single dad’, when in fact, what they REALLY are is a ‘part-time dad.’  A single dad is a man who has half-custody or more of his children.  He really understands what goes into being a parent and understands the challenges and complexities of his job.  A man who sees his kids every other weekend or in any part-time capacity does not merit that single dad status.  Whether he knows it not, his ex’s parenting responsibilities far supersede his and are deserving of respect.  Chances are, he doesn’t even know what half of them are.

Turn off #3:  Part-time dads who attempt to bow out of their scheduled time with their kids – and are self-righteous about it.  Men who say their kids are important but don’t show it through actions don’t have their priorities straight.  I find it shocking how many men religiously carve time to go to the gym or promptly attend business meetings, or participate in monthly golf tournaments, yet they are consistently late and/or cancelling when it comes to their scheduled time with their kids.  I’m not saying it isn’t challenging at times.  But in the end, we always make time for that which is truly important to us, so excuses become nothing more than lame-assed excuses very quickly.  If a man wants to gripe and complain instead of tackling his new life challenges with  intelligence, integrity and a sense of humour, sorry – I don’t play the violin; life is too short to listen to the non-stop whining.