DANGER? Living Solo and Becoming ‘Set in Our Ways’ After Divorce

Posted by Delaine - June 12, 2009 - Healing, On being alone, Social Barriers & Change - No Comments

Living solo

I’ve always believed it’s healthier to stay single for awhile after divorce verses throwing ourselves into another serious relationship; divorce is a huge life transition and requires time to process.

But while lunching with some girlfriends this past weekend, Hali, my best friend warned: “I think people have to be careful not to get too used to being on their own after divorce. I was only single again for six months, and already I was thinking in terms of MY space, MY things, and doing things MY way.”

My other girlfriend Nikki, 38, and never married, agreed: “I’ve been single so long, I know I’m set in my ways. Sometimes I question if I could ever live with a man.”  

Afterward, I started wondering: If we go years without another partner after divorce, are we at risk of becoming too independent –  too set in our ways? Does our age have bearing? Does it cause us to be more rigid and habitual?

I’ve grown accustomed to living without a man these past two years. And I like having the closet and dresser to myself. And I like the down-time I have on my own – I think most people do.

But I don’t think I’m becoming ‘rigid’ in my ways – if anything, meeting the changing needs and schedules of my three kids keep me supple, not to mention my work schedule! I think all I’ve done since I got divorced is adapt, so I’ll do just fine some day with a man!

Maybe it’s a lot harder if you’ve been solo a long time and have no kids in the house. I don’t know – I’m not there. So I’ll ask you” Do you think we run the  risk of taking ourselves and life too seriously without the ‘chaos’ of other people in our homes?

I like to think that people are adaptive. And I also think that when the right person shares your life and home, he ‘adds’ to your life, not ‘messes it up.’

Then again, maybe I’m too ‘set’ in my thinking. : )


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