Did My Date Just Stare at the Server’s Butt?

Posted by Delaine - May 19, 2009 - Dating & Sex, From the Dating Trenches - 5 Comments


When I’m out on a first date with a man, I pay attention to how my date treats the server.  I notice:

  • Is he friendly?
  • Does he use good manners?
  • And, if the server is grumpy, how does he deal with it?

I do this to assess how respectful he is of different people, and to gage what he’d be like in other social settings.

But when I watch my date interacting with a female server, I’m also looking for ‘other things’:

  • Does he joke around too much with her?
  • Does his face light up too much when she comes back to the table?
  • Does he look at her chest?
  • Does he look at her butt as she walks away?

Now I’ve been on a few dates where this has happened.  I remember one time I made excuses for him.  After all, her shirt was really low cut and ‘the girls’ were hard to miss.

But if the tables were turned, and some really hunky male server was smiling at me from tableside, I would never allow my eyes to linger on his broad chest…or his mesmerizing smile…or downwards towards his package.

I know that men are visual creatures. But when a man is on a date with ME, it’s like, “Get some self-control buddy.  I’m sure you’ve seen boobs before!”  

I’ve heard it said that men who cheat are the kind, when they’re out with their buddies, who will give extra attention to a pretty waitress.  They will go beyond flirting in that, when she walks away from the table, he’ll continue making comments aloud to his buddies about her. 

I don’t want be uptight and overly-judgmental with men.  But I also don’t want to make excuses for men’s ‘visual natures.”  How obvious is the line suppose to be?