In my previous blog, I wrote about how I’d been chatting with a man who unexpectedly told me he has herpes. I was trying to decide if I should even bother to meet him in person…
Early Friday evening arrived. (I was suppose to meet him later) All dressed up and feeling fabulous, I went, as planned, over to my girlfriend’s house for a vision board party with some of my great girlfriends. And as the wine flowed and we dove into chocolate cupcakes, my best friend Hali asked me: “SO…are you going to meet him later?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No,” I replied. “I figure it’s just not worth the risk. Especially given where my head is at these days… If I were ready for serious I’d probably consider it. But I just want great sex and freedom; not complications.”
I shifted in my bar stool and shook my head. “I’m stll irritated though. I finally meet a guy that I’m kind of into, AND he’s a Dom, but he damn well has herpes! Am I going to have to wait ANOTHER year before I get to explore this Dominant/submissive stuff or what? It’s frustrating! Good looking Doms don’t come along every day.”
She replied matter-of-factly: “You will meet another Dom Delaine - one who doesn’t have herpes. I think the universe is just testing you.”
“Testing me?” I replied whimsically. “Or teasing me?”
“NO, you were being tested. This scenario is no different from the kinds of tests you faced last year when you were running around with your heart on your sleeve desperately trying to find love.”
“What?” I asked confused. This made no sense to me. Sure, when I first got divorced my attitude towards dating and sex was way different than it is now. Sure I was frantically trying to fill up the whole in my heart and looking for ‘any’ man to give me a sense of self-worth. But those days were long past; that insecure Delaine had grown a backbone.
Hali continued: “Don’t you see? It has everything to do with settling for less than you deserve. A year ago you would have easily lost your Self in another relationship had you been given the chance because that was your habit - you did it all throughout your marriage and would have done the same again. If you’d decided to date this man with herpes and put you health at risk, you’d have been settling for less again. ” She put her wine glass down at looked me in the eyes: “At the core, this situation is no different: it’s about believing you deserve the best and not settling for less. You were being tested.”
I sat there moth agape. Slowly,I began nodding my head; she was right.
Hali continued: “The universe continues to test us Delaine. No matter how far we think we’ve come, there are deep issues that we confront over and over and over again to make sure we REALLY got it.” She smiled. “And you ‘got’ this one; you passed the test. Congratulations.”
I then spent the next six hours having the time of my life, chatting and laughing with my girlfriends. “Yeah,” I thought as looked around the room of my friends. “He was a test. And I did pass. And this time tonight with my girlfriends was what I really needed, NOT a date with him.”
Little did I know that at 12:30 a.m. when I finally arrived home, the universe was going to ‘reward me’ for my choice. But that’ll be my next blog:)
Other Articles: Psych Yourself Up & Go Out Anyways!, Why Women Get Divorced! (video), Survival Mode: Existing Post-Infidelity & Divorce
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My head is off is left field this morning pondering women’s sexuality. I know – a complicated topic. But this is what I’m trying to figure out:
We’ve all heard the expression, “You never know what goes on behind closed doors.”
Over a year ago, when my best friend Hali and I found ourselves newly separated and back out in the dating trenches, we kept hearing the term “Friends With Benefits.” We both liked the sound of it and decided it was something we wanted. After all, we weren’t ready for serious, but we wanted to have sex. Thus a sexual ‘friendship’ verses a love relationship seemed the perfect alternative.