It wasn’t until ’she’ phoned in the middle of the night that Pam became suspicious.  The woman was obviously drunk, her voice a string of slurs.  And when Pam asked, “Who is this?”, all she got heard was “(Giggles) Just a friend…(click).”

The next day, Pam confronted her husband.  Completely taken off guard, he insisted they were “only friends.”  As the confrontation progressed, that soon changed to ”OK, so we were really good friends.”   By the end, he’d even finally gone so far as to admit that “YES…there was ONE time that we kissed.  But I SWEAR we never slept together.”

And what did Pam do with this info?  Why, what any wife/mother of young children who is in total shock would do: she believed him… 

…until she told her best friend what had happened.  She then heard from her girlfriend the words she feared most:   “I think he’s lying, Pam.   He said he only kissed her?  That makes no sense  - who stops at a kiss?   Maybe if he was ten years old…but a full-grown man?  A man who knows how good sex feels?  I don’t think so.  Especially since they were supposedly such “good friends.”” (read more here)

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By Guest Writer, Malou

I have been living a life short of a fairy tale until that fateful day last year. A job, a wonderful husband, a delightful daughter, a big house complete with a garden, a whole room dedicated just for my clothes and shoes….I was a princess!! The only thing missing was a dog and a couple of adopted children and we would have rivaled Angie and Brad on that magazine cover.

The lone factor that cast a shadow on this, otherwise, idyllic picture was that I didn’t feel like I was in a fairy tale. I felt more like the frog than the princess. Friends wanted to trade lives with me while I wanted to trade with them.

To have everything but to feel like you have nothing is a dreadful. I was awash with feelings of guilt for being ungracious of all the blessings I have, but at the same time, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I was looking for something. And there is nothing worse than looking for something without an inkling of what it is you’re looking for. To demand answers but not have the questions. I was, so to speak, utterly, inexplicably, absolutely lost.

Only after a certain period of reflection did I realize that it was my own spirit shouting release. It was crying out to me from the depths of my being. For my spirit was empty. My soul was parched dry. I was looking for meaning. For purpose. Something bigger than the mundane life that I was living. I was not just lost. I was gone. (read more here)

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So a friend of mine received a proposition this week from a man online. We’re still trying to figure out if it’s indecent. Is it different? Yes. Freaky? Borderline. Is she considering it? Kind of.

First I should mention,she’s met him in person already. He seemed totally normal. He even seemed smart and kinda funny. What did he look like? Well, let’s just say she’s smiling.

Here’s the catch. This large, attractive, very masculine-looking man has an unusual desire: he wants to be her domestic – as in down on his hands and knees, cleaning her toilets and floors and whatever else she wants him to do. (read more here)

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I know that parents - divorced or not - can have very different opinions about talking to their kids about sex.  Not just over who should do the explaining (ie: school board vs same sex parent vs a book), but at what age the initial conversation should take place and how much info should be given. 

Me?  Why this divorced mom had the introductory conversation with her seven-year-old AND eight-year-old sons last weekend – at separate times.   No, I didn’t ‘plan’ it, though I’d been thinking about it for awhile. The right opportunities simply presented themselves, so I jumped on them. (Read more here)

Other Articles:

Do Online Predators Go After Single Moms?

Not Looking For Love

Bad Men Bring Us Gifts

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I’m writing this at 1 a.m. and am completely exhausted.

Yesterday evening, the sound of my seven-year-old screaming outside launched me out my front door in my socks. I ran towards him in the park, heart pounding. “I hit Kyle by accident!” he screamed. “I hit him in the head with my golf club.”  (read more here)

Other Articles:

Do Women Need “Deeper’ Men?

The Best Time to Meet An Online Date: A Question From A Newly Separated Woman

She’s Only Staying Married For The Kids

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Flash back a few years ago. Sitting on a park bench with a man I loved, a man I thought the greatest human being on earth.

He was showing me old photos from his childhood, words, stories, spilling out of his mouth. I sat there listening, loving him, wanting to know more, wanting to help him pull all the pieces of his mixed up life together; how he went from THERE…to here.

His eyes beseeched me for answers, and carefully, thoughtfully, I responded to him. No pretence. No effort. It was just me being me: kind, warm, deep, and maybe a little off in left field.

He digested my responses. I could see some ‘aha’ moments happening. And I loved him even more…for listening, for sharing, for allowing me to be me; I never felt honoured like that when I was married.

Fast forward to the present. To my Good Man, a man I’ve come to care for deeply - intensely – even though our relationship is cyber only.

“I find myself clinging to you,” he has written numerous times. “I feel lost without you, like I need you in my life every day as a guidepost.”

His words warmed my heart, a heart that has been closed for almost two years. For I was being the real Delaine with him: kind, warm, deep, and yes, kinda off in left field.  I was ‘opening’ to him, and he was hearing me, matching me, connecting with me on that higher level. 

So what’s the problem?

I’m miffed – and confused. For I opened myself to both of these men, offered them that special, real, true part of me….yet they can’t/couldn’t love me in the way I want in return. The man from the park bench turned out to be nothing but a liar and cheater.  And my Good Man?  He lives far far away from me and is still in love with his wife who died last year. 

I have to be very careful. It is my core nature to be kind, wise, and loving, even though I’ve kept men at arm’s length these past two years. And I like those aspects of me.  I’m changing right now – the armor is coming down - I’m opening again.  Yet I am so afriad of being a fool.

I don’t want to mistake me acting like a man’s psychologist, for us connecting and loving each other in a higher way.

I don’t want invest my heart in helping/fixing a broken man, only to have MY heart broken.

I want him to treasure and return my kindness, wisdom and love…instead of stealing it.

And most importantly…I don’t want to shut down this authentic, beautiful part of me that is oh so cautiously re-emerging again.

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I was browsing around on various forums today to see what/if moms were buying for their ex-husbands. No doubt, some moms couldn’t care less about the day. But the vast majority said they’d ensure dad received ’something’ – it was definitely in the kids’ best interest. The question was What?

If your ex is anything of a reader – even if just in the bathroom – I’d recommend a newly-released book called The 40-Year-Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad. It’s written by divorced dad Joel Schwartzberg and his writing is not only funny, it’s kind of vulnerable and wise too. I think newly-divorced dads could learn a thing or two from Joel, not only in terms of parenting, but on growing as a human being.

So there’s my two cents.

Here’s a story excerpt – as you can see, perfect length for the bathroom!

Dad Behavior

My family and I were picnicking in our local dog park when we overheard an argument between two men, clearly strangers. Their volume was rising rapidly, as if someone were adjusting it via remote control.

One man was alone; the other had kids behind him. There were some dogs nearby as well, eavesdropping as I was, just a little more conspicuously.

I forget what ignited their fight, but what I clearly remember is Family Man shouting, “Don’t EVER talk to me that way IN FRONT OF MY KIDS!”

I thought this was a curious thing to say. It’s as if his reputation as King Dad, Omnipotent Ruler and Knower of All Things (except as overruled by Empress Mommy) was somehow placed in jeopardy by a few angry words from a complete stranger. Is a dad’s reputation to his kids really that tenuous?

Dads, of course, are genetically compelled to look strong in front of their kids. We can’t help it. Even the least skilled of fathers — and here I know what I’m talking about — can always find something to fix, build, improve, and otherwise amaze their kids with. My children are young, so when I magically restart the computer or reattach the door of a Barbie Duplex, it’s like bringing fire to the natives.

I know I’m only a few years from becoming “Pathetic Dad” who can’t operate the latest personal technology or even get dressed without embarrassing myself, so I’ll take whatever adoration I can get now.

Dads typically pass down to their children traditions and skills like car maintenance, power tool expertise, hitting curveballs, and leaving the toilet seat up. My father passed to me the fine art of returning store-bought merchandise. Laugh if you will, but making effective returns takes diplomacy, cunning, stamina, and long-line endurance. Recently I was showing my own son how, with the proper alignment of strategic returns, coupons, and mild tax evasion, I was technically able to have Toys R Us pay us to receive a Bionicle playset instead of the other way around. I was proud. He was unimpressed.

But on the ride home, I watched Charlie excitedly open the toy, and explain to me the various ways this Bionicle was fundamentally different from the hoards of Bionicles already guarding his bedroom from sibling invaders. Sharing his enthusiasm with me was as vital to his delight as the toy itself. Every comment began: “Dad, check this out…”, “Dad, can you believe this…”, “Dad, what do you think this is for?” I didn’t need to do anything but drive, occasionally nod into the rear-view mirror, and stop for Munchkins.

It occurred to me that your child’s esteem is yours by birthright. As such, it’s also yours to lose. But it can’t be lost when you stop to ask for directions, firmly send him to bed, or walk away from a fight.

The fighting men in the park eventually went their separate ways without coming to blows. The dogs even looked disappointed. But the Dad who felt his reputation

was on the line in front of his kids really had nothing to worry about. Just steer your kids toward happiness, I’d tell him. They’ll almost always look up to you in return.

And if that fails, there’s always donuts.

Other Articles:

Self-Loathing & The Cheater

Did He Just Stare at The Waitress’s Butt?

Do I Disqualify Potential Dates Too Quickly?

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A few days ago, I was visiting Mommasunshine’s blog where she mentioned a giveaway happening by Momcentral.com.  Immediately I checked out Momcentral (a great site for anything- mom) and signed up for their June giveaway - one of five Canon cameras.

All you have to do is sign up for their Canadian Mom Testing Panel (which involves simply leaving a comment).  As part of the Testing Panel you get to share your opinion about products and services AND will automatically be eligible to win cool stuff through their many giveaways.  

So check it out divorced Canadian moms.  So awesome to see a contest that’s available outside the U.S.!

Other Articles:

Dating An Out-of-Town Man - Is it Worth it?

Did he just stare at the waitress’ butt?

Cheating spouse: REVENGE!

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A divorced girlfriend of mine was going out on a date - a third date, which rarely happened with her. And as we talked over the phone beforehand, she was almost panicked.

“I actually like this man, Delaine. But the timing couldn’t be worse – my life is such a mess, and I don’t want to get into the details of it with him. I’ll look so pathetic.” (read more here)

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Secrets, Lies & Hidden Desires Are Everywhere

Internet Dating: Can Talking TOO Long by Phone or IM Wreck the Meeting?

Free-Range Children?

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I felt it when I first awoke this morning.  A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time.  One that squeezed at my heart and sent darkness through my bloodstream.

Sadness.

My Good Man is gone. 

And this day has not been the same without him.

I sent him away - or rather, I ended our correspondence.  I knew it had to be done for I was growing too attached to him.  Our geographical distance and life circumstances stood in the face of us ever growing into ‘more.’  And my longing for him had grown to where it matched those blissful moments of our communication, forcing the question: Is this worth it? 

I had to decide: Continue investing my time and energy into more of the same - or end it and free my energy and time to channel elsewhere.

My rational, grown-up mind made the final decision…

But not without clamoring protest from my heart and soul.

I’ve thrown myself into my schedule today.   And when I found myself  laughing - like when my daughter put on a harmonica show and dance - I started filing it away to tell him about tonight.

But I can’t…

He’s gone.

And my body aches…  

With sadness.

And now…now, as I sit here with that too-familiar pain in my chest, I wonder:  Can one become an expert at letting go?  Does it ever get easier?  Is it possible for the rational mind to have dominion over affairs of the heart if one experiences enough hurt?

(sigh)  It doesn’t feel any easier this time round.  The only difference is that I ‘know’ the pain will pass.  I know, I know, I know…and yet I ‘feel’ all my knowing away.

I miss you more Mountain Man.

Other Articles:

Secrets, Lies, & Hidden Desires are Everywhere

Risking it all…for love

Have you ever had Cyber Sex?

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