Since becoming single again this past year, I’ve been called a ‘Cougar’ - which I hate, and a MILF.  When I discovered MILF stood for “Mother I’d Like to F***”, I laughed.  Though some might find it offensive, I found it rather endearing:  I imagined these luscious, muscley young men looking at me with awe and innocence in their eyes.  How cute they wanted a ‘teacher.’  *grin. 

As my dating adventures continued, I crossed into “Young-Man Territory” a few times.  Mentally, I found these relationships very limited - we weren’t on the same page of life whatsoever.  But physically, mmmmm… that was another story.  Not only did they have stamina and the ‘look’ to keep me afire, they had a willingness to please, to learn, and become a better lover.

And then one day a question struck me:  Why do men have cute nicknames for women like MILF and we don’t have any for men?   Are we too polite?  Have we lost our sense of humor when it comes to sex?  Or is the title ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’ all we’re comfortable with?

I then began rethinking the word MILF - for some reason it was bugging me.  Digging deeper I realized it was because it made the man into the Hunter and the woman into the Prey.  And in my young man relationships, that was NOT the dynamic: THEY were the prey, and I was the HUNTRESS.

From that day forward I thus proclaimed a new honorary name for these delightful specimens of flesh: SMILF - Service Male I’d Like To F***.  It reverses the power scheme AND it sounds cute, kind of like an adorable little smurf.

But WAIT!  Hold your horses.  Not just ANY man can become a  SMILF; this is high-status stuff, something that must be earned.  Three primary criteria must be met:

1)  At LEAST one orgasm must go to the woman before him during every encounter

2) If any extra large ejaculation occurs on the woman’s part, he will change the sheets without fuss, and

3) NO SMALL PENISES ARE ALLOWED.

:)  God love you SMILFS.

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A couple of days ago, Good Morning America featured a report on cheating wives.  And two things about this news-clip stood out for me:  one, how society still ’gasps’ when its women who are choosing to have affairs.  And two, how the internet is making cheating so easy. 

In my last blog, I cited that an estimated 50-62% of married women cheat (Adultery Expert Bonnie Weil).  And admittedly, I too gasped when I first read that high number.  Men I could expect it from since so many are slaves to their ’see/must screw’ mindset.   But women?  

I realized how sexist my thoughts were - for what if many women do in fact cheat just because they want great sex?  Maybe they just need to feel desirable, sexy and passionate.   I wondered, Is there a ‘double standard’ around our society’s compassion for women who cheat verses men?  And is this double standard fair?  Cause at the end of the day, cheating is cheating regardless of reason….or is it?

In this Good Morning America feature, two ‘desperate housewives’ were spotlighted.  One said she chose to have an affair because her husband never wanted to have sex.  The second women said her husband was ‘boring’ and paid more attention to their son than to her.  

Both of these women used the website AshleyMadison.com to find their lovers.  If you’ve never heard of it, Ashley Madison is one of many online dating sites that cater specifically to married people who want to have an affair.  And I sat there, mouth agape, as the company CEO revealed that they have approximately 3.5 MILLION members - 70% are men, 30% are women.  But he predicts their membership will easily rise to 20 - 30 million, for that is how unhappy many married couples are, and that’s how powerful the internet is.  

We all know that the institution of marriage is already on shaky grounds - we’re talking more than 20 million divorces are filed every year worldwide.  And of those who stay together, 80% will experience infidelity.  So it’s obvious that the easy-accessibility aspect that the internet now presents is going to encourage more and more people to cross the line.

But the question that sits with me with now is:  since there’s no stopping technology - and marriages worldwide are already in serious trouble - where the heck are we headed with all this?  I mean pig picture stuff here for humanity.  Chaos?  Total personal and social decay? 

Though it may seem like that on first glance, my personal forecast is not all gloom and doom.  I think there’s some kind of mass revolution going on that in the long term will lead to our evolution.  Just as we needed world wars to plaster big messages across the heavens for humanity to wake up to,I sense the worldwide crumbling of our relationships/marriages is supposed to rouse some vital mass learning in all of us.  What that learning is, however, I sure as heck haven’t figured out.

More Articles:
Should Great Sex Be Top Priority in our Marriages?    Cheating Scum in the Public Swimming Pool,  Surivival Mode: “Existing” Post-infidelity & Divorce

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Not long ago, a girlfriend of mine had a conversation with her husband that went like this:

“So…did you have fun playing poker with the guys last night?”

“Yup.”

She sat there waiting…finally :  “So what do you guys talk about when you meet up?”

He looked at her like she was green.  “What do you mean?”

“Do you talk about work?  Sports?  Sex?  Do you complain about your wives?  What?”  (Read more and add comments here)

Related Articles:

Disempowering Marital Sex

Angered by his Flaccid Penis

Friends With Benefits: Myth, Rarity or Matter of Good Luck?

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When a friend of mine first recommended I try internet dating, a social avenue that hadn’t even EXISTED the last time I was single,I scoffed.  I mean, I’d heard of it, but I assumed it was full of weirdos and creeps.  Nonetheless, curiosity got the better of me - after all, how else was I ever going to date?  My life revolved around children and other moms!

A year later, I’m still online dating and doing so with confidence. I want to offer 10 tips I wish I’d known before trying online dating.

1) First off, RELAX.  You’re not signing away your life, you’re just stepping outside your comfort zone.  If it makes you feel better, promise yourself you’ll TRY it for a few weeks and if you don’t like it, you can back out.

2) A couple of sites I’d recommend are lavalife.com and plentyoffish.com.  Plenty of Fish is completely free and on Lava, you don’t have to buy credits unless you want to - you just have to wait for the men to initiate contact.

3)  Post a good photo of yourself if not three or five.  Men are visual creatures and they want to see who they’re talking to.  Don’t you?  Statistics prove that posting good photos always increases the amount of mail you receive.

A few men have mentioned to me that unless a woman has at least one body shot AND one face shot, they won’t contact her.  You are who you are and you look how you look, so be upright and honest from the get-g0.

Are you concerned about privacy?  Someone stalking you?  Look at it this way.  If you talked to a man intermittently at a bar one night and gave him your phone number, he TOO could easily be a wacko.  I find e-dating MORE SECURE than that route because you can get to know them online before you give out your phone number.  And the bottom line is, e-dating is a HUGE medium for dating nowadays.  Most people on there are regular, decent folks such as yourself and that’s why THEY have photos posted.  Sure there are men on there just looking for sex and yeah, there are a few creeps, but I’ve always trusted my intuition and been able to weed them out in online conversation. 

4)  Write a good profile.  Although some men don’t read women’s profiles and zoom in on photos alone, many men do.  Remember, you don’t have to tell them your life story or reveal that you’re stressed out as a newly single mom or dealing with an ex from hell.  Keep your profile positive.  If in doubt, be brief!

5)   Keep a smile on your face, your heart in check, and don’t take e-dating too seriously.   Sure, you might meet Mr Right straight out of the starting gates.  But by CHOOSING to keep your attitude in check, you can change the daunting word ‘dating’ into ‘meeting new men.’  If it turns into more - friendship, a relationship, sex - then great.  But if not, then ‘Oh Well’ - there are thousands of others in the big blue sea.

6)  Oftentime men will request your chat address on MSN or Yahoo to continue conversation with you off the dating site.  If you don’t have either Instant Message accounts set up, install them at their respective dot com address.  It’s very simple.

7) Move at your own speed.  Some men will push for your chat address or phone number very quickly.  Others will be eager to meet.  If you’re not ready, say so.  Explain that you are new to e-dating and what your preferences are without apology.  If they have a problem with that, then it’s theirs.  If they raise any stink, just block them.  Simple, poof, gone!

When and if you do meet a man in person, do so in a public place.  That’s obvious.  I usually put a time frame on the meeting too - sometimes a half hour, sometimes an hour.  I don’t usually do full-scale ‘dinner dates’ cause they can seem sooooo long if there’s no connection.  Keep it brief and casual - coffee, tea work fine.

9) Have FUN with it!  Getting back to that ‘attitude adjustment’ I referred to earlier - you just got divorced!!!  You’re in ‘exploration mode’, learning about yourself and the great big world out there.  Don’t assume a white knight or a serious partner by your side is what you REALLY need.  You’re still finding your wings after being in the marriage cocoon for so long.  Take some time, spread your wings and see where the wind might take you.  

10)  Have some EXTRA fun with it.  Look, you might think this is disgusting but I’ll also let you know there’re a few ‘date-a-millionaire sites’ out there: sugardaddie.com, sugardaddyforme, millionairematch, dateamillionaire.  I’ve tried them all with the attitude, Oh hell, why NOT?  *grin.  Have I had any luck on there?  Well, I’ve met some awesome men and had some GREAT adventures.  But that’s another chapter in my memoir.

Please let me know if you have any questions - I’ll do my best to help!

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