Do you ever wonder if staying in an unhappy marriage for years has made you blind to warning signs as you date again? Are you so accustomed to ‘dealing with’ relationship issues and compromising who you are/what you need, that you continue dating someone who’s already bringing you down?

Take Chuck for example, a man who recently wrote me asking for counsel around a woman he’s been dating for a month now. Although he really likes this woman, to his chagrin, she doesn’t like receiving oral sex. When he tried to talk to her about it, she closed the conversation and laughed: “Hey, consider yourself lucky – I’ll never make you do it so you’re off the hook.”

Then, to make matters worse, he’s noticed that they can be in the same room for hours without her wanting any kind of physical contact – not even as much as a hug. What do you think of her behavior, Delaine? he asked. “What can I do to make things better?” (read more here)

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My friend Rochelle and I were catching up with our long-time, also-divorced girlfriend, Tara, who was visiting from out of town.  Suddenly, Tara turned to Rochelle and said:  “So I just started dating this guy – a doctor from Edmonton – and the other day I remembered YOU had dated some a doctor dude from Edmonton last year.”

Right away I thought, No way.  What were the chances of them dating the same guy when all three of them live in different cities?

She started describing him: 38, dark, really wealthy, well-endowed, never married.  Then: “And he talks REALLY dirty in bed - the first time we were together, I was like, ‘holy s***!’”

Rochelle was intrigued.  “Can you pull up his photo on the dating site?”

One minute later: Ding!  There he was, their mutual ‘friend.’  And we howled.

It turned out that Tara had only dated him a couple of times thus far and she really wasn’t sure what to think of him.  Her questions started flying at Rochelle:

Ø      Do you think he’s a player?

Ø      Were you surprised he was so sexually aggressive?

Ø      Did you find him rather uptight?  Pretentious?

Ø      What did your intuition say about him?…

They laughed and talked about him in such detail that I suddenly blurted:  “Doesn’t this feel WEIRD to you two?  Especially you, Tara, cause you’re still dating him!”

But they both agreed it didn’t.  Who cares if they’d had sex with the same guy?  It’s not like they’d dated him at the same time.  If anything, Tara really appreciated Rochelle’s thoughts and insights, and Rochelle, knowing and loving her as much as she does, felt a sisterly responsibility to answer her as honestly as possible.   

Still, it’s not every day a woman finds out that she and a close friend had sex with the same person.  Espeically when they’re dealing with the vast world of internet dating!

So I gotta ask you: Has this scenario ever presented itself to you?  And did it, or would it, weird you out?

Other Articles:

Being tested not to settle

Balance: What the heck is THAT?

Flashing Warning: Separated Men

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