A divorcing girlfriend was updating me on her dating life over the phone. She’d just flown back from spending a fun-filled weekend with a new man she’d met online. “I don’t think he’s Mr Right, but he does have some wonderful qualities.” she said. “And man - was he ever something in bed! Really aggressive. And wow, was it hot! ”
She then brought me up to speed with her on-again off-again friend/lover in her hometown. “I really do care about him,” she said. “We are such good friends. We inevitably end up in bed again though cause in the moment, it feels right.”
But her trail of current lovers didn’t end there. And she was grappling with it. “Remember my close friend Ted?” She asked. “We finally crossed the friendship line and slept together a week ago. And Alex – the cute younger guy I’ve been talking to at the gym? We went out for drinks a few nights ago…. and we had sex too!”
She continued: “So now I’m sitting here wondering, Jesus Tara, what are you doing! I’ve NEVER had sex with multiple men before!”
As we discussed her situation, a few important points were clear:
a) all her men knew she was seeing other men
b) she had some kind of friendship in place with each one
c) she was having safe sex with all of them
d) at this point, did she want exclusively with any of them
“What’s the problem then, Tara?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she laughed. “I feel like I should feel like a slut or something.”
“Do you?”
“No. I’m actually fine with it!”
We discussed her feelings further. More points became clear:
a) she wasn’t having sex from a place of low self-worth
b) she saw and appreciated different qualities in each of them
c) she felt sexually satisfied
d) she felt happy and wasn’t dwelling on any particular man
e) she knew it would be short-lived; maintaining that many men would require too much time and energy
The more we dug, the more we realized that her ‘guilty’ feelings came from old-school beliefs of what we though Good Girls were supposed to do. That training ran deep, but it was time to flush them away. She’s a beautiful, smart, passionate, sexy, 40-year-old mom/girlfriend/and woman. And really – how lucky is she to enjoy a dating life at this point in her life on her terms? I say enjoy it while you can!
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My divorced friend and I were standing together watching our kids play ball in the field.
He was sooooo nice. So very, very nice. Well-spoken, mature, a fun personality. And I really did enjoy talking to him.
Does a woman’s sexuality ripple into other areas of her life?
According to my best friend Hali, I do.
Well shake your head and frown in indignation if you must, but YES. I HAVE had cyber sex. Only a handful of times. And only back when I first started e-dating. Not as in webcam stuff, but as in using MSN or yahoo messenger (IMs). So here are my thoughts on it for whatever they’re worth to those new to dating/ Internet dating.
You see, on Friday night I found myself talking to Chad. Who’s Chad? Why Chad is the lovely man I met over a year ago who helped me achieve my first G-spot orgasm. I’d always known that Chad and I would never be relationship material. But nonetheless, we’d fallen into bed a handful of times since then, the most recent being a couple of months ago. Bottom line was: we had great sex. It kept drawing us back together. Plus, we laughed a lot when we were together - we were very relaxed.