He was sooooo nice. So very, very nice. Well-spoken, mature, a fun personality. And I really did enjoy talking to him.
But I felt no spark; I just wasn’t attracted to him. Not just physically, but energetically.
He wanted to meet me for a second date. I really didnt want to…but again, I went over his very nice qualities. He was the kind of man a single mother of three SHOULD date, I thought. Stable, adoring of children, gentle, smart. But still, the idea of another date with him left me feeling….well…nothing.
I felt guilty for my non-reaction - like I ’should’ try anyways. A two-hour date was way too quick for me to ‘know’, right?
But a couple of days later, I decided I just couldn’t do it. I sent him an email to politely decline meeting him again; didn’t want to keep him hanging on… He didn’t write me back. I hoped I hadn’t hurt the man’s feelings. He’d seemed so… hopeful.
I brought up the matter with my ‘friend with benefits’ a week later. I thought he might have insight; he’s been doing the dating thing for almost ten years since his marriage split. His response: “Don’t even bother with ’shoulds.’ It’s either there or it isn’t. I’ve tried to make it work with ‘nice’ ladies before. I’ve tried to stay with them for all the right reasons. But it’s either there or it isn’t. You just know.”
“But is one date really enough?” I asked unconvinced.
“Definitely. Or, at least it’s enough to know if there’s a spark. As we get older, we ‘know’ these things even quicker.”
“You make it sounds so simple Chad…” I replied, shaking my head.
“It IS simple Delaine,” he replied. “You can’t force it. It’s the same with sex. You either have great chemistry - like you and me - or you don’t. It’s energy.”
Maybe Chad’s right. Maybe if, when you swallow a man’s energy and there’s no flutter inside, that’s all you need to know: it’s a dead end. Even if you’re a single mom, there’s no reason to settle for ‘no spark.’ If anything, after all you’ve been endured and sacrificed to get where you are now, you should know better than to even consider it.
Other articles:
Do I Disqualify Potential Dates Too Quickly?, BALANCE: What the heck is THAT?, One Night Stands: Qualifiers & Disqualifiers
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A divorced girlfriend of mine was going out on a date - a third date, which rarely happened with her. And as we talked over the phone beforehand, she was almost panicked.
