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Lena, 32, is grappling right now; her head is swimming, her stomach’s in a knot. She’s scared, she’s angry with her ex, but above all, she’s frustrated with HERSELF. Why? Because she’s still have trouble saying/admitting that her ex-husband behaves like a selfish, immature bully, even though that’s exactly what he is. She can’t stand thinking this way about anyone; it seems so unenlightened. She wants to focus on people’s ‘light,’ and give them the benefit of the doubt…
Her best friend has listened to her defend her ex-husband for years. “You don’t know all the good stuff about him,” Lena argued. “He has so many wonderful qualities. He has so much potential.”
“Of course he has wonderful qualities Lena,” she’s replied. “You wouldn’t have married him otherwise. But they don’t erase his Dark Side. Men can be upstanding citizens and philanthropists and go home at night and beat their wives. Does all their altruistic work excuse their beating their wives to the pulp? No.”
“That’s a severe comparison - he doesn’t beat me!”
“Not with his fists, but with his words and through other actions, ” she argued. “And you need to stop making excuses for him. He has to held responsible for all the choices he makes, all of who he is…”
Lena saw the truth in her best friend’s words, but even now, almost one year into the divorce, Lena grapples with ‘calling a spade a spade.” 
She says she over-empathizes, over-analyzes and over-sympathizes, to the point where she puts her truth and her Self at risk. She fears being too judgemental. She fears hurting someone else in her anger or selfishness. She fears conflict. And in the end, she bows down and put others’ needs before her own.
I wonder how many Lena’s there are out there. Anyone?
