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Two months into his divorce, Mike returned home early from work one afternoon to a big surprise: his ex-wife had let herself in and was standing in his living room. “I needed to come by and pick up a few things,” she said casually. “I tried calling you earlier. Didn’t you get my message? I didn’t think you’d mind…”
But he did. In fact, the feelings of being ‘intruding upon’ surprised him. What if he’d been with another woman? What if, what if, what if? But it was more than that… it was about respecting that his was now HIS house, not theirs. Still, he ended up saying nothing. After all, their divorce was proceeding amicably – they were still ‘friends.’ He didn’t want to cause an upset, especially so early into their separation…
Mike’s scenario brings up an important, yet oftentimes ‘uncomfortable’ question for those going through a divorce: When/should the owner of the matrimonial home get the locks changed? Like Mike, you may have a variety of mixed feelings/reasons holding you back from doing so; i.e., fear of hurting the ex’s feelings, fear of his/her reaction, guilt, great hope that it’s unnecessary, trust in your soon-to-be-ex… (read more here)
Nonetheless, it’s a great reminder to be grateful for my blessings. And I’ve been using it as a tool to teach gratitude to my kids. Last night, we held a ’sharing circle’ where we all took turns talking about what we’re grateful for. The depth of children’s contributions both shocked and warmed my soul. I am truly rich in the most important of ways.