It wasn’t until ’she’ phoned in the middle of the night that Pam became suspicious.  The woman was obviously drunk, her voice a string of slurs.  And when Pam asked, “Who is this?”, all she got heard was “(Giggles) Just a friend…(click).”

The next day, Pam confronted her husband.  Completely taken off guard, he insisted they were “only friends.”  As the confrontation progressed, that soon changed to ”OK, so we were really good friends.”   By the end, he’d even finally gone so far as to admit that “YES…there was ONE time that we kissed.  But I SWEAR we never slept together.”

And what did Pam do with this info?  Why, what any wife/mother of young children who is in total shock would do: she believed him… 

…until she told her best friend what had happened.  She then heard from her girlfriend the words she feared most:   “I think he’s lying, Pam.   He said he only kissed her?  That makes no sense  - who stops at a kiss?   Maybe if he was ten years old…but a full-grown man?  A man who knows how good sex feels?  I don’t think so.  Especially since they were supposedly such “good friends.”” (read more here)

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Within months of separating from my ex two years ago, I suddenly felt an incredible need to redecorate the master bedroom.   I’m not sure if I did it more as a mental distraction at the time, or if some unconscious part of me knew I needed  to ‘get him out of there” and make a new space just for me.Regardless, redecorating had an astoundingly soothing AND uplifting effect on me.  The master bedroom became MY place to rest and recharge, MY personal space, a reflection of ME …even though just outside the door was a family dream and identity in shambles.

I didn’t have the budget for a major redecorating project.  Nor the heart or energy.  Nonetheless, some major cleaning, some minor purchases, and some fabulous accents completely transformed my bedroom and helped air out my soul.  So here are eight tips for separated women/men to consider…and again, for the soothing energy it brings, I recommend you do it sooner, rather than later.  (read more here)

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As I continue to wade through the vast sea of online dating, I find myself feeling impatient with myself. Not because I want a man pronto, but because I’m STILL not sure what ‘type’ of man I like. And I wonder, Did I get a chameleon chromosone at birth? Or do I simply have no idea what I’m attracted to in a man?

Over the past week, I’ve briefly chatted with three men online, all of whom I found intriguing on some level. First, there was the older, hot shot executive from New York who wanted to wine and dine me. He appealed to the ‘glamourous’ businessman woman side of Delaine. Then there was the masters student a decade younger than me; I could totally picture myself curling up with him on his stained, secondhand couch drinking a slurpee and chatting about life. Then there was the long-haired photographer dude who drives a Harley to yoga class. What can I say? I’m drawn to creative, deep types who break conventional social molds, too! (read more here)

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So a friend of mine received a proposition this week from a man online. We’re still trying to figure out if it’s indecent. Is it different? Yes. Freaky? Borderline. Is she considering it? Kind of.

First I should mention,she’s met him in person already. He seemed totally normal. He even seemed smart and kinda funny. What did he look like? Well, let’s just say she’s smiling.

Here’s the catch. This large, attractive, very masculine-looking man has an unusual desire: he wants to be her domestic – as in down on his hands and knees, cleaning her toilets and floors and whatever else she wants him to do. (read more here)

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This past Friday night, I found myself wanting to get dressed up and go out, but all of my girlfriends were busy. I was frustrated; I didn’t want to spend my limited time off without kids watching a movie at home. But what was the alternative? Go to a bar lounge by myself? No way!

I then began wondering how many divorced women find themselves in this situation. Cause let’s face it – once we hit a certain age, most of our friends are married, have kids and aren’t interested in going out.  (read more here)

More Articles:

BIG STEP: Introducing A New Man To The Kids

What If?  Divorce Mediation Looms…

Internet Dating:  Can Talking A Lot Beforehand Wreck the In-Person Meeting?

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I know the subject of today’s blog might be a ‘toughy’ for you men. For you see, today’s topic is about COMMUNICATION - or rather, your inability to be shut up when that’s what us women want/need you to do.  (Smiling sweetly)

Case scenario: Say a woman tells you she needs some time to process something. Maybe something happened at work or at home. Or maybe it’s something YOU did.

Let’s say she also CLEARLY indicates that her feelings are all over the place. In fact, she admits they’re even illogical. Nonetheless, they are feelings, they are real, and they need to run their course.

Now - she WILL inevitably try and talk to you at some point about these feelings. She won’t want to ‘lock you out’ forever. She’ll want you to understand, if not respect, the inner workings of her brain/heart - EVEN if they’re a tad illogical.

So - as she shares her feelings with you – feelings that even she knows aren’t logical - should you:

a) tune out

b) constantly cut her off, ie: “But why did/didn’t you do THIS?”

c) problem-solve for her

d) poke fun at her

e) shut the hell up and just listen

If the obvious answer doesn’t stand out for you, let me highlight it: it’s e) shut the hell up and listen. Oh – and if you’re half-way eloquent, a few supportive words can go a long way too.

NOW, you may think your problem-solving abilities are in her best interest. And honey, those questions you want to throw at her may even be some the BEST EVER. But do you know what happens when you jump in like that?  Try again; are you:

a) not giving her a voice

b) coming across like you’re judging her

c) coming across like you’re BLAMING her

d) making the issue about you instead of her

e) basically acting an insensitive Ass

f) all of the above

And if the answer to THAT question isn’t blatantly obvious, then the word “hole’ is missing from line “e”.

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So many feelings.  So many many feelings…that I don’t know what to do with.

So I’ll just listen to Meryl Streep.  Like she says, “I don’t want to talk.  Cause it makes me feel sad.”

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I started online dating about six months into my separation. And when my ex-husband found out, it was an ‘awkward’ moment:

He was in my office and asked me which site I was on (he knew all the site names, for whatever reason).  He then told me to pull up my profile, (which I did, cause I was so taken aback by the whole situation) and he stood there laughing and evaluating my written profile and photos. (Read more here)

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I’ve put off and put off and put off writing this blog because I was worried about coming across as a whiner.  But as my Good Man has reminded me once again, I’m not SuperWoman.  And so I confess:  I sometimes find it really hard being a divorced mom with no family support here in town.

Recently I spent two weeks in Ottawa with my extended family.  And watching my kids play with their many cousins and being around my warm and loving family really made me wish I didn’t live so far away.  My children were so happy.  And for the first time in ages, I felt supported; like I could breathe.  ….(read more here)

Other Articles:

On Becoming A “Woman With A Past”

Bad Men Bring Us Gifts

Internet Dating:  10 Expert Tips From a 38-Year-Old Divorced Mom

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Last night I met with an old boyfriend here in Ottawa (I’m still on vacation with my kids).  We hadn’t seen each other in some 15 years.  

It wasn’t something I planned, it just kind of ‘happened.’  Easily.  And it wasn’t till the end of the night that I realized that he was meant to give me a ‘message.’

He kept asking me what I’d been up to over the past 15 years.  He wanted details; he cared to know.  So I tried to briefly sum it up - you know, moving across the country, getting married, having three kids, getting divorced, being single again…

And I gotta say, telling my ’story’ felt weird - almost as if I was making it up.  It was as if time had played tricks on me and none of the past decade had even happened. I felt like I was in a time warp: I was sitting across from a super cute man I’d dated and had sex with and cared about many years ago.  I knew him, yet I didn’t at all.  The bar we were in was one we use to frequent; I knew it, yet I didn’t - it had been renovated and had changed owners a few times over the years.  I felt the energy of a much-younger Delaine all around me, the Delaine of her twenties.    

I wondered how I seemed to him - if the heaviness of the past few years of my life showed in my eyes, my aura, and the lines on my face.  Did I seem bitter?  I wondered.  Jaded?  Closed?  Angry?  Was he secretly thinking, “Oh my, what a shame that Delaine has turned into this?”

But at the end of the night, as he drove me to my car, I heard him deliver the ‘message’ I needed to hear.  Out of the blue he began talking about the great impact I’d had on his life when we were younger…and how, even now, he could easily see what a warm, wonderful woman I am - his ‘adjectives’ went on and on.  Finally,  “You haven’t changed at all, Delaine,” he said.

I balked; mouth open.  I haven’t changed?  Is he on glue???

Then a whisper from my Higher Self:  Shut up and let his words in, Delaine.  You ARE still the same warm, beautiful soul today as you were back then.   You are so much more than just some single mom who weathered divorce and infidelity. You aren’t as hardened as you thought…

Warmth spread through my chest….

And I smiled.

Other Articles:

Big Step: Introducing A Man to the Kids 

Your kids don’t have to ‘go without’ this summer: Financial help for single moms and dads

He says he has herpes: Should I bother to meet him?

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