So I spent the wee hours of last Monday night having a ‘private party’ with just me, a bottle of wine, and Alanis Morrisette.  Of course, she was just playing on youtube… but I’ll tell you, the music from her album, Jagged Little Pill, sure did hit the spot  – especially the song, Ironic.  For you see, further to the last ‘date’ I went on, where the guy turned out to be a complete liar, a similar thing happened again a week later with a DIFFERENT guy! 

This man spent hours talking to me on the phone.  He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me AND he said numerous times that he was looking for a serious relationship.  

But when the day arrived that we were to meet me in person, he didn’t show up.  Not just that, he didn’t even phone!  Nor has he since…just, nothing.

So how is this ironic?  My friend, it’s not because I got duped two times in a row; heck, that happens to the best of us. (read more here)

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I’m writing this article with the theme song of the movie Rocky playing in my mind.  For at this very moment, I don’t just feel like Delaine The Divorced Mother who raises her three kids 95% of the time on her own with no help.  No no -  I am a champion; my feet are dancing and my arms are raised in victory.  For it took strength I didn’t know I had, sweat, blood, and yes, even tears -  but in the end, I won: I defeated the insidious Chicken Pox virus that descended upon my children last week  and remain standing!

Perhaps you find it silly that I’m making this into a big deal.  But if you’re a single parent – (not a part-time parent who only has the kids every second weekend but a SINGLE parent) - I know you ’get’ what I’m feeling.  Maybe it wasn’t because of a disease or sickness -  maybe it came in the wake of an unusually insane schedule you miraculously pulled off, a smile you kept on your face for the kids despite the brutal argument you’d had with the ex, giving the kids the best Christmas they’ve ever had despite the odds against you, or maybe even just making it through those final hours before the kids went to bed when you felt like the walking dead. (read more here)

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Do you ever wonder if divorce and/or infidelity have ‘hardened’ you?  I don’t mean ‘hardened’ as in “made you stronger.”  I mean as in, “encased you in a shell of mistrust and bitterness towards the opposite sex.”

Cause that’s what happened to me; I wasn’t even conscious of it at the time.  Truth is, to this day, I still sometimes struggle with it.   And I find it kind of scary – cause even though these feelings are a natural part of the grieving process, I can see how it would be easy to get stuck in them for too long.  Some people never move beyond them… right?

I started building ‘walls’ between myself and men somewhere around eight months into my divorce.  I’d already been out there dating for a few months by that point – which was more like me running around with my heart on my sleeve trying desperately to find a ‘replacement partner.’  

But by the eight-month mark something shifted in me.  I’d become more comfortable with the dating scene and realized I didn’t need to ‘panic’ - I even gave myself permission to  fully ‘explore’ what the dating/sex scene had to offer.  At the same time, however, I began processing my divorce/infidelities.  And my ‘walls’ started going up – with ANGER and FEAR OF BEING HURT AGAIN acting as chief foremen.  

My Anger proclaimed that I’d never again be a man’s doormat - not even for a moment – as I had in past relationships and in my marriage.  Never again was a man going to rip my heart out by fucking other women behind my back; he’d never get close enough for me to care.  Never again was I going to be the one who chased men,  who spent hours daydreaming over ‘what might be’ –  hell, figuring out men was a waste of my time and an insult to my purpose for being alive.  I resolved that if a man wanted me, if he was TRULY worthy of me, he would not only pursue me with every ounce of his being, he’d have to be brave enough, strong enough, to blast through my walls and swoop me up… (read more here)

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When my divorced friend Barb moved in with her new boyfriend two years ago, she promised herself she’d make their relationship - particularly their sex life - top priority.  So in addition to their 6-10 weekly sessions of dynamite sex, Barb ALSO decided to make every Friday night all about his  – and only his – sexual pleasure. 

Now I’m sure you’d all agree that Barb’s new ritual was very generous.  If you’re like me, you may even wonder why SHE didn’t get a night devoted to HER in return?  But Barb wanted to go the extra mile to show her boyfriend how much she loved and desired him.  Moreover, during their normal love-making sessions, he was always so generous in pleasuring HER (and teaching her new things about her body) that she wanted to make him feel extra special,too.

But believe it or not, trouble has brewed in Sexual Paradise.  Because instead of thanking his lucky stars for a sex life most men would die for, her boyfriend has become, as Barb puts it, “sexually lazy.”  In other words, he has STOPPED pleasuring HER as often and with the same enthusiasm as he did before. (read more here)

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It was only in hindsight that Gail realized that signs of her husband’s cheating had been present for months: in the bedroom.

“Out of blue, he kept trying a new sexual position,” said Gail.  “I thought maybe he’d seen it in a movie or something.  ‘C’mon,’ he’d say, ‘Just put these pillows under your hips, I know you’ll love it.’  And when I tried it – and didn’t like it much - he acted completely disgusted, like there was something wrong with me.  Guess he assumed that since ’she’  loved it, I would too…”

For Deana, it was her husband’s suddenly-slow ability to orgasm.  “A few times when we’d made love, I’d even thought, ‘Wow, this is taking a lot longer than normal’  And “Strange this is taking so long cause he’s been out of town for weeks.’  But I guess that’s what happens when you’re getting your fill, plus some, with someone else.” (read more here)

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It wasn’t until ’she’ phoned in the middle of the night that Pam became suspicious.  The woman was obviously drunk, her voice a string of slurs.  And when Pam asked, “Who is this?”, all she got heard was “(Giggles) Just a friend…(click).”

The next day, Pam confronted her husband.  Completely taken off guard, he insisted they were “only friends.”  As the confrontation progressed, that soon changed to ”OK, so we were really good friends.”   By the end, he’d even finally gone so far as to admit that “YES…there was ONE time that we kissed.  But I SWEAR we never slept together.”

And what did Pam do with this info?  Why, what any wife/mother of young children who is in total shock would do: she believed him… 

…until she told her best friend what had happened.  She then heard from her girlfriend the words she feared most:   “I think he’s lying, Pam.   He said he only kissed her?  That makes no sense  - who stops at a kiss?   Maybe if he was ten years old…but a full-grown man?  A man who knows how good sex feels?  I don’t think so.  Especially since they were supposedly such “good friends.”” (read more here)

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Within months of separating from my ex two years ago, I suddenly felt an incredible need to redecorate the master bedroom.   I’m not sure if I did it more as a mental distraction at the time, or if some unconscious part of me knew I needed  to ‘get him out of there” and make a new space just for me.Regardless, redecorating had an astoundingly soothing AND uplifting effect on me.  The master bedroom became MY place to rest and recharge, MY personal space, a reflection of ME …even though just outside the door was a family dream and identity in shambles.

I didn’t have the budget for a major redecorating project.  Nor the heart or energy.  Nonetheless, some major cleaning, some minor purchases, and some fabulous accents completely transformed my bedroom and helped air out my soul.  So here are eight tips for separated women/men to consider…and again, for the soothing energy it brings, I recommend you do it sooner, rather than later.  (read more here)

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As I continue to wade through the vast sea of online dating, I find myself feeling impatient with myself. Not because I want a man pronto, but because I’m STILL not sure what ‘type’ of man I like. And I wonder, Did I get a chameleon chromosone at birth? Or do I simply have no idea what I’m attracted to in a man?

Over the past week, I’ve briefly chatted with three men online, all of whom I found intriguing on some level. First, there was the older, hot shot executive from New York who wanted to wine and dine me. He appealed to the ‘glamourous’ businessman woman side of Delaine. Then there was the masters student a decade younger than me; I could totally picture myself curling up with him on his stained, secondhand couch drinking a slurpee and chatting about life. Then there was the long-haired photographer dude who drives a Harley to yoga class. What can I say? I’m drawn to creative, deep types who break conventional social molds, too! (read more here)

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So a friend of mine received a proposition this week from a man online. We’re still trying to figure out if it’s indecent. Is it different? Yes. Freaky? Borderline. Is she considering it? Kind of.

First I should mention,she’s met him in person already. He seemed totally normal. He even seemed smart and kinda funny. What did he look like? Well, let’s just say she’s smiling.

Here’s the catch. This large, attractive, very masculine-looking man has an unusual desire: he wants to be her domestic – as in down on his hands and knees, cleaning her toilets and floors and whatever else she wants him to do. (read more here)

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This past Friday night, I found myself wanting to get dressed up and go out, but all of my girlfriends were busy. I was frustrated; I didn’t want to spend my limited time off without kids watching a movie at home. But what was the alternative? Go to a bar lounge by myself? No way!

I then began wondering how many divorced women find themselves in this situation. Cause let’s face it – once we hit a certain age, most of our friends are married, have kids and aren’t interested in going out.  (read more here)

More Articles:

BIG STEP: Introducing A New Man To The Kids

What If?  Divorce Mediation Looms…

Internet Dating:  Can Talking A Lot Beforehand Wreck the In-Person Meeting?

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