Submitted by Delaine

Further to this article from Divorced Women Online on the  top ten places to meet men, I want to top it off with one more – one that was inspired by a little story my married girlfriend Sue told me last weekend:

You see, Sue’s SUV was in the shop undergoing repairs. Consequently,  she ended up having to drive her husband’s BMW for the day.  ”I was really nervous driving it,” she said.  “I was 100% focused on driving carefully cause I knew Jacob (her husband) would KILL me if I got in an accident.”

But it didn’t take long for her awareness to expand – it started while in the grocery store parking lot:  “Men were doing double takes and smiling at me.  I actually checked my fly wondering if I’d left it open. (laugh)  But then I realized it was the CAR.”

During pit stop number two, her thoughts were confirmed.  “As I was getting in the car at the shopping mall, a man suddenly walked up to me and started casually chatting to me.   He then gave me his business card with his phone number on it and told me to call him!” (read more here)

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Since becoming single again this past year, I’ve been called a ‘Cougar’ - which I hate, and a MILF.  When I discovered MILF stood for “Mother I’d Like to F***”, I laughed.  Though some might find it offensive, I found it rather endearing:  I imagined these luscious, muscley young men looking at me with awe and innocence in their eyes.  How cute they wanted a ‘teacher.’  *grin. 

As my dating adventures continued, I crossed into “Young-Man Territory” a few times.  Mentally, I found these relationships very limited - we weren’t on the same page of life whatsoever.  But physically, mmmmm… that was another story.  Not only did they have stamina and the ‘look’ to keep me afire, they had a willingness to please, to learn, and become a better lover.

And then one day a question struck me:  Why do men have cute nicknames for women like MILF and we don’t have any for men?   Are we too polite?  Have we lost our sense of humor when it comes to sex?  Or is the title ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’ all we’re comfortable with?

I then began rethinking the word MILF - for some reason it was bugging me.  Digging deeper I realized it was because it made the man into the Hunter and the woman into the Prey.  And in my young man relationships, that was NOT the dynamic: THEY were the prey, and I was the HUNTRESS.

From that day forward I thus proclaimed a new honorary name for these delightful specimens of flesh: SMILF - Service Male I’d Like To F***.  It reverses the power scheme AND it sounds cute, kind of like an adorable little smurf.

But WAIT!  Hold your horses.  Not just ANY man can become a  SMILF; this is high-status stuff, something that must be earned.  Three primary criteria must be met:

1)  At LEAST one orgasm must go to the woman before him during every encounter

2) If any extra large ejaculation occurs on the woman’s part, he will change the sheets without fuss, and

3) NO SMALL PENISES ARE ALLOWED.

:)  God love you SMILFS.

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This past week, Mother Nature unleashed her winter wrath up here in Calgary, Alberta.  We’re talking large dumps of snow and temperatures than hovered between -25 and -40 C  (that’s -12 to -40 F).  And though I’m accustomed to extreme weather conditions being a born and bred Canuck, something REALLY stood out for me during this cold bout:  awareness of my own mortality…and the effect my death or a serious injury would have on my young children.

I don’t know if it’s because my 40th birthday lies on the horizon that I’ve become increasingly concerned (paranoid?).  It also didn’t help when I heard the story of a woman in her late thirties who hit black ice, flipped her car and today is confined to a wheelchair.  Regardless, I realize that there are matters I need to tie up to protect and care for my kids – just in case.  Here are few points you, too, may need to tend to:  (read more here)

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She said that within seconds of meeting him, she knew she was attracted to him. And over the next two hours as they sat laughing and talking on their first date, their chemistry was so intense, it was palpable….

But somehow…somehow, she sensed there was something different about this man. There was just ’something’ in his energy…the way he looked at her…the way he held himself. And when he unexpectedly reached across the restaurant table and cupped her cheek with his large hand, her response was frightfully strong…

Eyes closed, she nestled her cheek into his palm, lost in the exploration of his fingers.  He didn’t hesitate – he knew to immediately get up and slide down in the booth beside her while she was still semi-dazed.   He turned his body to her; she found herself oh so close and oh so buried by his energy and massive, hard chest.  He lifted her chin and and drew her mouth to his…a soft yet powerful kiss.  And though a thought in her head quickly protested, You’re in a restaurant, get control of yourself!, she couldn’t stop.  She was lost in the command of his taste and touch; he was making her his, as if he knew he could meet her every need. (read more here)

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The Frog & The Scorpion: A Fable For Those Divorcing

Cheating Scum In The Public Swimming Pool

Power: A Scary Reason Why Some Exes Bow Out On Time With Their Kids

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It happened last weekend.   My eight-year-old son asked if he could bike over to his friend’s place two blocks away.

Right away I said no.   What if they got hit by a car?  What if some predator chased them down the residential streets?  I wanted him within eye/ear sight.  Just in case.

But when I opened the front door, there sat his two friends on their bikes waiting for him. 

“YOUR mom said it’s OK?”  I asked one. 

He nodded and said: “I’ve done this many times before.”

I turned to the other: ”And YOUR mom says it’s OK?”  He nodded vehemently.

I exhaled hard.  “Alright.  But you guys stay together, you hear?  And be VERY careful of cars!”

And I watched them gleefully ride off, remembering the ‘good ol days’ when I used to bike around the entire neighborhood; you know - back in the days when it was ’safe.’

Today, however, I read an article on Yahoo that says crime today is on parr of that of the 70s, according to Crimes Against Children Research.   From 1970 - 1993, crime was on the rise, but ever since it has plunged dramatically - particularly sex crimes which are down 79%.

I was shocked - I thought the world had gone to hell since the good ol days.  From what I’d seen on the news and TV commercials and from parenting experts, a hovering parental eye was always required.

Then I read about mom and author Lenore Skenazy - a woman labelled “America’s Worst Mom” because she allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the subway alone in New York last year.  A resident of New York, she armed her son with a subway map, a Metrocard, $20 in cash and a few quarters in case he needed to phone her.  The point of this exercise?  To teach him independence and self-confidence.  She felt he was more than capable.

Lenore is the crusader of a new movement in safe but ’sane’ parenting.  She says we’ve become so accustomed to thinking someone’s going to hurt our kids that we deny them life skills including those around independence.  The aforementioned statistics she says, speak for themselves: crime is on parr of that of the 70s.  She says we’ve been so bombarded with stories of the opposite, that we’ve become ‘helicopter parents’ that unnecessarily limit our children’s personal growth and enjoyment of life.

Do I agree with her?  The helicopter parent in me says no.  But I’ll be hovering over her website to check out her ideas.  I know my son was thrilled to ride over to his friend’s place last weekend with his buddies.  Maybe the good ‘ol days aren’t totally gone - just daddy is.  *grin.

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It happened while waiting for my son’s school performance to begin. I was sitting in a packed school auditorium amongst row after row of seemingly devoted parents.  

I watched couples sitting side-by-side, some not talking, some holding hands, and the odd mom or dad sitting solo.  Suddenly, the questions began floating through my mind:

Who, here, is truly happily married? 

How many people in this room have a great sex life, a lover on the side, or perhaps no sex at all? 

Who is carrying secrets, restless desires, and who will pretend to be happy in public, only to return home to a glass house?

Since I got divorced my eyeglasses have changed.  Perhaps to a greyer hue.  But I think I’m more realistic. Secrets and lies permeated my home for years prior to my divorce, and I wasn’t some exceptional case.  I’d wanted normal.  I’d wanted simple.  I’d believed and worked hard at the family dream.

We’ve all heard the expression, “You never know what goes on behind closed doors.”  So I sat in the school auditorium looking closely at people’s faces: 

Did he meet a lover earlier in the day? I wondered.  

Is she daydreaming of meeting her lover later on? 

Was his smile genuine, or a well-practiced ‘super husband/ dad’ smile? 

Will she deliberately delay going to bed tonight because the thought of his touch disgusts her? 

For I now know that secrets, lies, and hidden desires…are everywhere.  Even buried amongst row after row of seemingly devoted parents in an elementary school auditorium. 

Other Articles:

He Was Concerned About My ‘Mother Body’

Why Be Deliberately Mean During Divorce?

30 Years Ago, Would YOU Have Had the Courage to Divorce

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We hear about it all the time – this thing called “balance.”  We’re told it’s something we need, something we should strive for, something we should achieve.

But you know what I’ve never understood?  How it is measured.  Do all balancing components, i.e. work vs. play, have to happen every day?  Can they divide the week in half?  Or can a full month of work be balanced with one day of play? (Read more and add comments here)

Other Articles:

A Handsome ‘Good Man’ Helps Restore my Faith in Men

The Internet: A Quick Way to Cheat on your Spouse

Friends With Benefits: One Step Closer

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I wasn’t looking for him.  He was totally unplanned.  But our emails progressed so quickly – naturally – that now, one month into our daily correspondence, his purpose in my life has emerged:    

The universe has deliberately brought me a Good Man.  Not to be my partner, nor champion of life dreams.  But to help restore my faith in men. (read more & add comments here)

Other Articles: 

I’m no MILF.  You’re The SMILF.

Risking It All…For Love 

Two Golden Resources to Help You Mourn & Rebuild After Divorce

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A girlfriend of mine says she’s fallen in love.  She’s met him only three times – he lives thousands of miles away in the United States.  She talks now of how she plans to move there at the end of the year.  She will find a new job.  Move away from her family.  Her eyes go soft and dreamy as she talks about their future… in her mind, he’s The One.

I love this woman.  I love her like a little sister.  She’s only 27-years-old.  I know how badly she wants to find the Real Thing, how much she wants children, and the family dream. 

Yet I am torn…

(Read more and add comments here)

Other Articles:

You’ve PROVEN You Don’t Need a Man,  Should Great Sex Be Top Priority In Relationships?,  Friends With Benefits: One Step Closer

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A child psychologist told me that one of the best skills I could teach my kids to help them adjust to my ex’s and my different parenting styles was the ‘Tethlon Suit” technique.  It involved me explaining  what tethlon is and how it enabled all food to just ‘slide off off” pots and pans.   This same ‘slide off’ analogy applied to the tethlon suits my kids then imagined putting on; for any kinds of mean words or actions were to simply ‘slide off of them.’  

I found myself using this technique on myself this past weekend when talking to my ex.  But instead of just envisioning myself wrapped in tethlon, I literally slid the phone away from my ear when I heard mean remarks; I was energetically ‘pushing them away’ so that they couldn’t penetrate me… (Read more and add comments here)

Other Articles:

The Internet: A Quick Way to Cheat on Your Spouse

Being Tested Not To Settle

Angered By His Flaccid Penis

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