It’s been three and a half years since my ex-husband and I split up.  And since then, despite the many dates and mini-relationships I’ve had, I’m still single.  But I don’t think of this as being a ‘bad’ thing ; I think I’ve needed this time – to heal, to grow, to like myself more…and to get a much stronger sense of what a healthy relationship looks/feels like.

That being said, I want to bring up a conversation I shared with a divorced girlfriend the other day; it was a bit of an ‘aha‘ for me and I’m filing it away for reference for when I meet a potential Mr. Right:

My friend suggested that one flashing, yet oftentimes overlooked warning of an unhealthy relationship is when a woman constantly talks about her man’s potential instead of how he is – like right now, day-in day-out.  This woman talks a lot in the ‘future tense’, ie, he will be happy/more loving/more successful/a better father/ spouse when he gets a new job/believes himself more/is less stressed out/ finds his spiritual center etc.   Until he gets ‘there’ – wherever ‘there’ may be, she tolerates his poor treatment of her, buries her unhappiness and hurt (maybe even blames herself for it?), and may even makes excuses for his behavior. (read more here)

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Warning: I’m a little scattered today…

I need to ask you something.  Hopefully I can coherently spit out my thoughts here.  So here goes:  Have you ever a conversation with your ex where his position on issues seemed so blatantly wrong, his perception so skewed, that you sat there wondering, “Am I really off so off the mark on this?  Truly, am I too stupid to get it?   Is it ME?”

Cause I have; or rather I am. 

I think that overall I’m a very communicative and empathetic person.  So as I continue ploughing through my divorce, I’m constantly trying to see and feel things from my ex husband’s perspective.  I ignore his condescending remarks.  I try and forgive him for biting comments that are off topic.  I try to speak kindly, sensibly, about the issue at hand. ..

But it’s like I’m talking to a wall; nothing’s getting in.  And I sit there wracking my brain:  Am I not saying this clearly enough?  Does his perspective overrule my own?  Then, in exasperation:  How did we stay married for seven years when we can’t communicate AT ALL? (read more here)

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Venturing into the online dating world can feel as scary as trekking through a dark, unknown wood.  Who lurk’eth in the shadows?  we can’t help but wonder.  Maybe “lions & ligers & bears, on my!”

As I set out on last weekend’s first-date ‘adventure,’ I admit I felt both nervous and excited.  Both on the phone and during our IM session, we’d had great chemistry.  Plus, given as he was a dentist and almost all of my family works in medicine, we had a lot in common.  

Sitting in the pub wearing a pretty dress and a fresh coat of lip-gloss, I waved as I saw him come through the entranceway. I stood up as he approached and shook his hand.  “Hi, I’m Amelia,” I said. 

“Wow, you’re so cute!” he said as we both sat down. (read more here)

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