My head is off is left field this morning pondering women’s sexuality.  I know – a complicated topic.  But this is what I’m trying to figure out:

Does a woman’s sexuality ripple into other areas of her life?  Is her sexuality, in fact, a metaphor in motion for her behaviour and conduct in her work life, personal life, and social life?

Take the quality of meekness as an example.  If a woman is meek in bed, does that commonly show up in her personality elsewhere?  But more importantly – AND THIS IS KEY – if she allows herself, through sexual exploration, to become more assertive in bed, will that blossoming quality merge with and empower her in her outside-the-bedroom life?  Can a woman’s sexuality be a starting point for change and growth instead of the end-point?  (read more & add comments here)

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Since becoming single again this past year, I’ve been called a ‘Cougar’ - which I hate, and a MILF.  When I discovered MILF stood for “Mother I’d Like to F***”, I laughed.  Though some might find it offensive, I found it rather endearing:  I imagined these luscious, muscley young men looking at me with awe and innocence in their eyes.  How cute they wanted a ‘teacher.’  *grin. 

As my dating adventures continued, I crossed into “Young-Man Territory” a few times.  Mentally, I found these relationships very limited - we weren’t on the same page of life whatsoever.  But physically, mmmmm… that was another story.  Not only did they have stamina and the ‘look’ to keep me afire, they had a willingness to please, to learn, and become a better lover.

And then one day a question struck me:  Why do men have cute nicknames for women like MILF and we don’t have any for men?   Are we too polite?  Have we lost our sense of humor when it comes to sex?  Or is the title ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’ all we’re comfortable with?

I then began rethinking the word MILF - for some reason it was bugging me.  Digging deeper I realized it was because it made the man into the Hunter and the woman into the Prey.  And in my young man relationships, that was NOT the dynamic: THEY were the prey, and I was the HUNTRESS.

From that day forward I thus proclaimed a new honorary name for these delightful specimens of flesh: SMILF - Service Male I’d Like To F***.  It reverses the power scheme AND it sounds cute, kind of like an adorable little smurf.

But WAIT!  Hold your horses.  Not just ANY man can become a  SMILF; this is high-status stuff, something that must be earned.  Three primary criteria must be met:

1)  At LEAST one orgasm must go to the woman before him during every encounter

2) If any extra large ejaculation occurs on the woman’s part, he will change the sheets without fuss, and

3) NO SMALL PENISES ARE ALLOWED.

:)  God love you SMILFS.

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Recently I wrote an article about how the phrase ,”I need a man who challenges me’, carried some negative imagery and feelings around it for me.  It reminded me of my younger-day yearnings for Bad Boys (who did me no good) and - as a few girlfriends pointed out -  it had a tone of unsettledness and ‘relationship management’ around it.

Soon after writing it, I had a conversation on the subject with my handsome Good Man, the young widower that I’ve become close e-friends with, who has also restored my faith in men.   And his response to my ponderings were :  “You don’t want a man who challenges you, Delaine.  You want a man who will EARN you.”  (Read more here)

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 I’m no “MILF.” You’re the “SMILF!”   Should I Pursue Casual Sex More Regularly? , One Night Stands: Qualifiers & Disqualifiers

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As I continue to wade through the vast sea of online dating, I find myself feeling impatient with myself. Not because I want a man pronto, but because I’m STILL not sure what ‘type’ of man I like. And I wonder, Did I get a chameleon chromosone at birth? Or do I simply have no idea what I’m attracted to in a man?

Over the past week, I’ve briefly chatted with three men online, all of whom I found intriguing on some level. First, there was the older, hot shot executive from New York who wanted to wine and dine me. He appealed to the ‘glamourous’ businessman woman side of Delaine. Then there was the masters student a decade younger than me; I could totally picture myself curling up with him on his stained, secondhand couch drinking a slurpee and chatting about life. Then there was the long-haired photographer dude who drives a Harley to yoga class. What can I say? I’m drawn to creative, deep types who break conventional social molds, too! (read more here)

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So a friend of mine received a proposition this week from a man online. We’re still trying to figure out if it’s indecent. Is it different? Yes. Freaky? Borderline. Is she considering it? Kind of.

First I should mention,she’s met him in person already. He seemed totally normal. He even seemed smart and kinda funny. What did he look like? Well, let’s just say she’s smiling.

Here’s the catch. This large, attractive, very masculine-looking man has an unusual desire: he wants to be her domestic – as in down on his hands and knees, cleaning her toilets and floors and whatever else she wants him to do. (read more here)

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When I was younger (and thought I knew it all), I found it a total turn-off if a man told me he was divorced. Immediately, I thought “failure”, “tainted,” and “person-with-luggage.”

But today, as I wade through the sea of men on dating sites, I find I’ve done a 360 – I actually gravitate more towards those whose status reads “divorced” than those who are “single.” Here’s why:

• Oftentimes, they are fathers. They’ll know first-hand what kind of commitment and lifestyle that involves. AND they probably won’t want me to have a child with them! (read more here)

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Question for men:  When you call a woman for the first time and get her voicemail, what’s the best kind of message to leave her?

Well, for starts:

• DON’T say anything like Dimitri The Stud
• DON’T say anything like Dimitri The Stud
• Oh yeah - and DON’T say anything like Dimitri The Stud!  (Read more here)

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I’ve heard it said that most men are ’simple’ creatures. They love ‘T’ and ‘A’ and think about women’s orifices many times a day. They don’t like drama queens or control freaks. They want women to laugh at their jokes. And NOTHING, I mean NOTHING brings them greater joy than a great blow job first thing in the morning. 

In the recent movie release, The Ugly Truth, actor Gerard Butler plays the role of an obnoxious, rude TV dating coach who tells women the ugly truth about men and relationships.  And for the first part of the movie I despised him: he reminded me of the piggish, unevolved, simple-minded jerks I’ve dated in past. (Read more here)

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When I’m out on a first date with a man, I pay attention to how he treats the server.  I notice:

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My divorced friend and I were standing together watching our kids play ball in the field.  Suddenly, she blurted:  “Can you believe I haven’t had sex in over two years?”

“You can not be serious,” I replied emphatically.  (Read more here)

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What Should I do for WORK now I’m a single mom?

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