It’s been three and a half years since my ex-husband and I split up. And since then, despite the many dates and mini-relationships I’ve had, I’m still single. But I don’t think of this as being a ‘bad’ thing ; I think I’ve needed this time – to heal, to grow, to like myself more…and to get a much stronger sense of what a healthy relationship looks/feels like.
That being said, I want to bring up a conversation I shared with a divorced girlfriend the other day; it was a bit of an ‘aha‘ for me and I’m filing it away for reference for when I meet a potential Mr. Right:
My friend suggested that one flashing, yet oftentimes overlooked warning of an unhealthy relationship is when a woman constantly talks about her man’s potential instead of how he is – like right now, day-in day-out. This woman talks a lot in the ‘future tense’, ie, he will be happy/more loving/more successful/a better father/ spouse when he gets a new job/believes himself more/is less stressed out/ finds his spiritual center etc. Until he gets ‘there’ – wherever ‘there’ may be, she tolerates his poor treatment of her, buries her unhappiness and hurt (maybe even blames herself for it?), and may even makes excuses for his behavior. (read more here)













So I spent the wee hours of last Monday night having a ‘private party’ with just me, a bottle of wine, and Alanis Morrisette. Of course, she was just playing on youtube… but I’ll tell you, the music from her album, Jagged Little Pill, sure did hit the spot – especially the song, Ironic. For you see, further to
His comments caught me totally off guard:
No doubt today’s subject is controversial and uncomfortable for some…but I’m fielding these questions anyway: Does how much a man earns at his job affect your decision to date him or continue dating him? Or do you find such a concept offensive, shallow, and/or insulting to the meaning of True Love?
Do you ever wonder if staying in an unhappy marriage for years has made you blind to warning signs as you date again? Are you so accustomed to ‘dealing with’ relationship issues and compromising who you are/what you need, that you continue dating someone who’s already bringing you down?
Like most women, I’m guilty of it too – that is, I often wear black clothes simply because they’re slimming. And when we feel slimmer, we often feel better about ourselves, right?
During a 24-hour period last week, I heard three gloomy outlooks on dating from three different women in their late thirties or early forties.
My girlfriend’s dating life is VERY busy. And I salute her for that. Almost two years out of an emotionally abusive marriage, we concurred that her rushing into a committed relationship would be dangerous: she’d probably end up with a bully again and/or losing herself in another man instead of exploring and discovering her own true colors.
It wasn’t that my friend’s man wasn’t kind. Or thoughtful. Or many great things, for he WAS. No - the feeling of lack came from somewhere else within her: it was like he stirred her heart, but not her soul; like her soul was beyond his comprehension.
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