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Many months ago, during a deep conversation with my Good Man - a handsome, young widower who continues to restore my faith in men - we began talking about ’sacrifices’ and ‘choices.’ Or rather, I was rambling on about how I think women make sacrifices when they become wives and mothers – when he cut me off. “Do you really think of the decisions you’ve made as being sacrifices?” he asked. “Cause when I look back on the timeline of my life, I think I made choices…not sacrifices.”
His words left me feeling somewhat foolish. For he was right – the word ’sacrifice’ had an air of helplessness and regret about it. It was shrouded in a self-pitying “if only…” I thus decided to refrain from using that word again in that context.
But his past weekend, a situation with a married girlfriend had me speaking it again. As a part-time working mother of three young children, she’d been offered her ‘dream job’: we’re talking big money, challenge, clout, and recognition for all her many years of study and work. But what did she do? (read more here)
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We’ve all heard the expression being thrown around in the dating realm: “He/she needs a challenge.” Maybe it’s even something you’ve said aloud yourself. But recent conversations I’ve shared with various girlfriends has me wondering: Do we need to thoughtfully consider what this expression really means to us, especially now that we’re starting over? Does ‘needing a challenge’ look different in our relationships at different stages of our lives? And is it something we need to be cautious of?
Back when I first got separated and started online dating, I was insulted if any younger man called me a COUGAR. In my mind, ‘cougar’ meant older woman in leopard-skin leotards, teased hair and fake nails that wouldn’t quit. I might be in my late thirties, but excuse me, I wasn’t desperate, skanky, OR a tacky dresser!
Studies have shown that it’s the ongoing hostilities between divorcing parents that really emotionally damage and traumatize children. So how do you protect your children’s emotional well-being if divorce matters are in the Red Zone, the two of you aren’t speaking, and you can’t even stand being in the same building as him/her?
I’m no divorce expert; there’s no law degree or special accreditation following my name. But now that I’m two years into my divorce, there’s one golden nugget of advice I’d like to pass onto those newly divorcing: Get EVERYTHING down in writing - signed, sealed and wrapped up – otherwise, there’s a good chance you’ll be postponing the inevitable.
They’ve been apart now for three years. Their divorce only became official a few months ago. And I swear to God, no word of a lie, he has lamented over how broke he is ever since they separated.