How Long Could You/ Should You Go Without Sex After Divorce?

My divorced friend and I were standing side-by-side, watching our kids play soccer in the field.  Out of nowhere, she suddenly blurted:  “Can you believe I haven’t had sex in over two years?” 

My mouth flew open.  “You can not be serious!”   

She laughed and shook her head.  “Yes, I’m afraid I am.  Since I got divorced I’ve had to go back to school and be a full-time single parent and struggle to make money.  I really just haven’t had time to date.”

I tactfully asked her questions: Were there religious reasons holding her back from having sex?  Was she concerned about being labelled a ‘Loose/Wild Divorcee’?  Was she afraid of intimacy?  Had her ex-husband abused her?

But none of these were factors.  She said, “Believe me, Delaine, it’s NOT cause I don’t want sex.  I’ve just had so much on my plate, that ‘going without’ has become a bad habit.”

Later on that evening after tucking my kids in bed, I began wondering, “CAN going without sex, in fact, become a ‘bad habit’?”   How many women put taking care of their kids and organizing their new lives so far ahead of physical intimacy that they find themselves in a serious rut?  My girlfriend had expressed how pent-up she felt – moody, edgy – especially around ovulation time.  She’d also expressed that her self-esteem had plummeted; she questioned if she was even desirable to men.  To me, that seemed a crime – she was a lively, hardworking, beautiful woman in her prime.  Then I wondered: Is ‘going without’ harder on a woman’s over all well-being than we think?  Is it better to have sex just for sex than to ‘go without’ for TWO YEARS? 

We all hear about  STDS, unwanted pregnancies, commitment issues, selfish lovers and all the other ‘scary’  reasons why we should wait for the next serious relationship. But what about the times sex without love is good – or even fantastic: the times when you feel a bit ‘achy’ down there the next day, but can’t stop smirking.  The times you walk with a skip in your step, like dormant cells in your body are doing the tango,  that you can’t believe that everyone can’t tell you had great sex the night before.

So I’m putting it out to you.  Do you think ‘going without’ CAN become a ‘bad habit’ with unhealthy consequences, or is it worth it?  According to YOUR rules, how long could/should you ‘go without’?