Sometimes It Sucks Being A Divorced Mom With No Family Support in Town
I’ve put off and put off and put off writing this blog because I was worried about coming across as a whiner. But as a good friend recently reminded me once again, I’m not SuperWoman. And so I confess: I sometimes find it really hard being a divorced mom with no family support here in town.
I know my feelings are exacerbated by other life circumstances right now: financially I’m in a tough spot. And tsnsion between me and my ex-husband have hit an all-time low…
But recently I spent two weeks in Ottawa with my extended family. And watching my kids play with their many cousins and being around my warm and loving family really made me wish I didn’t live so far away. My children were so happy. And for the first time in ages, I felt supported; like I could breathe.
I’ve worked my butt off since getting divorced to build a new career (I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for eight years). Like obsessively so - to the point where girlfriends have worried about my mental health. My goal was, and still is, to create a passive income that is large enough to keep me at home during the day with my three kids. I’ve looked reality straight in the face, and I know I have to ‘do it all,’ in all areas of my life - period.
But in many ways, I’m exhausted. I’ve driven myself to the bone. Carreer plans are moving slower than I thought, in large part because of the economy. Taking care of my three young kids 24/7 is a full-time job unto itself. And dealing with an ex-husband, who hasn’t got a clue what kind of state me and the kids are in, leaves me in shock; physically and emotionally.
I know “this too, shall pass.” In the end it’ll all make me stronger, right?
But in my moments of self-pity – when my SuperWoman Cape is out of reach – a part of me just thinks it’s so unnatural for ONE person to be able to raise three healthy kids AND be/do everything else. And then - more than ever - I really wish I had a family support system here in town.
Delaine (aka SuperWoman)
5 comments
Remind me again why you do not pack your little ones up and move closer to family?
If you are lucky enough to have a family that supportive you and your children deserve the oportunity to take advantage of the support.
I like how Cat wrote, “If you are lucky enough to have a family that supportive you” . . . I live in the same town as my immediate family; to them I am the “go-to” person and problem solver. Yet when I suffered a major setback (lost my home) they all turned their backs. So believe me, you are lucky. As for me, I returned to school, full time.
it’s only because I don’t have the money to take court action to clear this with my ex.
But the bottom line is, (my gfs keep reminding of this)I’ve hit rock bottom right now. And my kids and I can’t go on like this much longer.
Come Xmas I shall reassess. And take action as I see fit.
I agree with Cathy. Moving closer to family and support would be ideal. However, as we know, the legal battle will not come cheap. Regardless of how you feel about your ex, he will, and should fight if he is a dad worthy of his kids. Although if you already have full custody, path might be less difficult. Not taking his side, just stating what you already know.
If it means anything, I also raised three kids fulltime on my own. Some days I just wanted to crawl in hole and not come out. I would look at the world and feel like it is full of happy married families, and I am the odd man out. The world economy is also set up today for dual incomes to survive.
How’s that for uplifting!
I will not say it gets easier, but my kids after almost 9 years, are awesome and loving, which is more than any checking account balance (of course mortgage holder doesn’t think this:) )
Venting is ok sometimes.
Although a little of a stretch at some points, a good video to watch is “The Secret”. It is about the Law of Attraction. I am not a new age guru, just think it is good to watch and read some stuff positive for the mind.
Keep your chin up. Go have a drink and a box of chocolate, just for “shiggles”.
Thanks Barry. You’re right – sometimes a good vent/whine feels good. And as for the chocolates, I’m downing some every day!
I find I expect so much of myself, and I’m at the point where I have to ‘surrender.’ One thing’s for sure – my kids are being really well taken care of and feel safe and loved and happy. That IS the most important thing.
I’ve seen the The Secret – many times in fact. I agree, it is a fantastic video for everyone and anyone to watch, regardless of life circumstances. I’m still working on the ‘receiving’ part of the manifestation process…like I said, I need to beleive and surrender at this point and I’m afraid it’s really challenging me.
Thanks for your support, Barry. It really does help and is taken to heart.