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It happened last weekend. My eight-year-old son asked if he could bike over to his friend’s place two blocks away.
Right away I said no. What if they got hit by a car? What if some predator chased them down the residential streets? I wanted him within eye/ear sight. Just in case.
But when I opened the front door, there sat his two friends on their bikes waiting for him.
“YOUR mom said it’s OK?” I asked one.
He nodded and said: “I’ve done this many times before.”
I turned to the other: ”And YOUR mom says it’s OK?” He nodded vehemently.
I exhaled hard. “Alright. But you guys stay together, you hear? And be VERY careful of cars!”
And I watched them gleefully ride off, remembering the ‘good ol days’ when I used to bike around the entire neighborhood; you know - back in the days when it was ’safe.’
Today, however, I read an article on Yahoo that says crime today is on parr of that of the 70s, according to Crimes Against Children Research. From 1970 - 1993, crime was on the rise, but ever since it has plunged dramatically - particularly sex crimes which are down 79%.
I was shocked - I thought the world had gone to hell since the good ol days. From what I’d seen on the news and TV commercials and from parenting experts, a hovering parental eye was always required.
Then I read about mom and author Lenore Skenazy - a woman labelled “America’s Worst Mom” because she allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the subway alone in New York last year. A resident of New York, she armed her son with a subway map, a Metrocard, $20 in cash and a few quarters in case he needed to phone her. The point of this exercise? To teach him independence and self-confidence. She felt he was more than capable.
Lenore is the crusader of a new movement in safe but ’sane’ parenting. She says we’ve become so accustomed to thinking someone’s going to hurt our kids that we deny them life skills including those around independence. The aforementioned statistics she says, speak for themselves: crime is on parr of that of the 70s. She says we’ve been so bombarded with stories of the opposite, that we’ve become ‘helicopter parents’ that unnecessarily limit our children’s personal growth and enjoyment of life.
Do I agree with her? The helicopter parent in me says no. But I’ll be hovering over her website to check out her ideas. I know my son was thrilled to ride over to his friend’s place last weekend with his buddies. Maybe the good ‘ol days aren’t totally gone - just daddy is. *grin.
It’s hard to let go and let your kids be ‘free range’. It took me a long time to give my kids that freedom. But it’s worth it. It’s healthy. Good for you that you let him ride with his friends.
But if we all start letting our kids go free range, won’t crime stats go back up? They’re low because of parents’ prudence. Without it I fear they’d skyrocket again.
Nonethless, I do agree that we hinder their growth because of our fears. It’s a reminder to loosen the apron strings a bit. It’s a delicate balance…
I understand your fears Delaine. Trying to find a balance that gives children their independance but keeps them safe is hard to acheive. Especially since my ex WAS chased down a back-alley by a child predator when he was 11 years old. That stuff IS real and can be close to home.
Here you are writing a good article that I can reflect upon with my own children and it has to go hell. I do not know why you have to make reference to you husband in a negative way some how, some way in every article you write.
Lighten up Still Amazed! It was one little line meant in fun! My ex is hardly that interesting to mention in all my articles:) But I do bring him up when I think my experiences can be used to help other other women. Glad you enjoyed the rest of this article though!