She’s Only Staying Married For the Kids
She’s one of my mom friends. We aren’t close, but I see her almost everyday at our kids’ school.
This past weekend we bumped into each other at a nearby park. And as we sat, watching our kids play soccer, I asked her where her husband was.
“Oh…I don’t know. Probably doing something for himself.” She looked away. Mouth pursed.
I nodded slowly. I’d seen that look on her face a few times before… But I’d left it alone.
Suddenly she continued: “I don’t even feel like I’m married – I haven’t in years. I don’t even like having him around. I’m only staying because of the kids right now. But…(deep breath)… I’m going to leave him.”
Part of me was shocked – her family seemed so perfect from the outside looking in; it had all the trimmings….
Part of me also felt sad and scared for her; you never forget the horrific process of dismantling your family dream…
And yet another part of me felt very cautious – Why was she telling me? Because she knew I was divorced? Did she want validation for her feelings/choices? Did she want reassurance that life after divorce was worth the hellish journey?
A few minutes later, however, the sky opened up and everyone was running for her car. And as I drove home, my children’s giggles blended with the swish of the windshield wipers, lulling my thoughts back to my mom friend…
The knot she must carry in her stomach….
The glass house she was returning home to right now….
And the huge choices that lay ahead of her that would test every ounce of who she is.
9 comments
Glass house glass house…oh the misery we try to hide within the walls of our glass house….
Glass house glass house…oh the misery we try to hide within the walls of our glass house….
Glass house glass house…oh the misery we try to hide within the walls of our glass house….
Glass house glass house…oh the misery we try to hide within the walls of our glass house….
Glass house glass house…oh the misery we try to hide within the walls of our glass house….
Sometimes I find that when women learn I’m divorced, they use that as an excuse to start slamming their husbands to me. It’s as if they assume that since I’m divorced, I want to bash men and do nothing but sit around and complain about them.
I get tired of the bashing and complaining…it’s like, if you’re that unhappy then do something about it!
I’ve come across so many women like this, and also the ones that try and appear overly happy to cover up their UNhappiness. I just try and be non judgemental.
Oh wow! This woman (your friend) sounds so much like me! That is how I feel and I think how I have acted for the past several years. I think for me, I want validation. I tend to want validation in most aspects of my life. I seem to have been bashing my husband to anyone who would listen. But until very recently I really only knew married women or eternally single women. And when I hear of friends having dinner with their husband or watching TV together or having a fun conversation about something I am in shock and envious. Because since day ONE we never watched a TV program together and haven’t had dinner or a real conversation in 5 years (out of 7 1/2)… So I just feel lonely. More so with him than without and I want to know if others feel like that too.
Finally now, we have started paperwork through a mediator and friends and family are telling me how happy they are and relieved. So there is some validation there!
Great site. I just found you and know I will be back again!
I can identify with this article. I have been unhappily married for most of my marriage. I have had a lot of fear about leaving since I have kids. The financial aspect has stopped me. Also I think I am settled in with the way things are. We don’t have sex and don’t talk much. I am so unhappy. It is just such a big move that I think it overwhelms me. Are other women out there in this situation?