The Ex-Husband May Not Be as Financially Destitute as he Laments…

They’ve been apart now for three years. Their divorce only became official a few months ago. And I swear to God, no word of a lie, he has lamented over how broke he is ever since they separated.

But the other day, my best friend Hali, now his ex-wife, shocked me by blurting: “Guess who bought a house?”

“Paul?” I asked, mouth hanging open.

“Yup.”

“Where is it?”

“In the same neighbourhood as me and the kids, a few streets over. And it’s 2,200 square feet.”

I couldn’t believe it!  Houses in her neighborhood were NOT cheap!  How in the hell did he afford it?  I wondered.  Ever since they’d separated, he’d argued he’d been ‘forced’  to live in dingy, one-bedroom basement suites; like I said, he constantly sang a sang of woe!  Especially since she was living in a nice house with nice things (which he reminded her of incessantly) and he was paying her ‘living expenses’ through spousal support.

My point in writing this?  It’s NOT to say he doesn’t deserve a new house.  And furthermore, I give the guy credit for choosing a place that’s close to his kids so he can be an active part of their lives.  My point is that it reminded me of a few things Hali has said to me ever since the beginning of our divorces:

1)  Men who are the financial providers often have it tough for the first few years after divorce…but they DO recover.  Even if it seems like the woman has ‘way more’ out of the starting gates, his earning potential and assets continue to grow over the long-term, whereas the woman has to start over with her career as her support payments dwindle off.

2)  Men (and women) LIE.  So before you get out the violin and start feeling guilty for his tough times, remember that when it comes to money, a person’s reality can be a far cry from what they portray it to be.

3) There IS a reason why support numbers are the way they are – even if they seem unfair at first.  As Hali said, “Delaine, the man makes well over six figures a year.  Half of that has gone to me and the kids, the other half has gone to him and him alone.  He makes good money and he has NEVER been broke.  The numbers have always spoken for themselves, period.”