Comments for I Am Divorced Not Dead, Divorced Women & Men, Dating, Sex, Relationship Coaching http://iamdivorcednotdead.com Divorced mother of three and Mars Venus Coach Delaine Moore helps divorcing men and women become fearless and fiery after divorce! Fri, 17 Feb 2012 04:32:21 +0000 hourly 1 Comment on Hello God? It’s Me, Delaine. Can You PLEASE Somehow End This Date? by Delaine http://iamdivorcednotdead.com/sex-dating/have-fun-but-be-careful/delaine/hello-god-it%e2%80%99s-me-delaine-can-you-please-somehow-end-this-date/#comment-2668 Delaine Fri, 17 Feb 2012 04:32:21 +0000 http://iamdivorcednotdead.com/?p=1594#comment-2668 Brian, you have obviously been betrayed deeply and the hurt runs very deep - both in your heart and your pocket books. It is my hope for you that with time and the inner work, you shall heal and find a woman you feel worthy of your love and generosity. Not all women are like your wife, Brian. It is good and smart to be cautious, but you do yourself an injustice by holding all women culpable for the hurt she inflicted. Again, I hope time shows you that. Brian, you have obviously been betrayed deeply and the hurt runs very deep – both in your heart and your pocket books. It is my hope for you that with time and the inner work, you shall heal and find a woman you feel worthy of your love and generosity. Not all women are like your wife, Brian. It is good and smart to be cautious, but you do yourself an injustice by holding all women culpable for the hurt she inflicted. Again, I hope time shows you that.

]]> Comment on Hello God? It’s Me, Delaine. Can You PLEASE Somehow End This Date? by Brian http://iamdivorcednotdead.com/sex-dating/have-fun-but-be-careful/delaine/hello-god-it%e2%80%99s-me-delaine-can-you-please-somehow-end-this-date/#comment-2664 Brian Thu, 16 Feb 2012 19:12:34 +0000 http://iamdivorcednotdead.com/?p=1594#comment-2664 I was married and will never make that mistake again, not even with a solid prenup (prenups can be overturned in court given the right circumstances – whether real or contrived). After a couple of years, my wife decided she didn't love me anymore but decided to stay because it was easier on her financially. She continued to make me think things were good between us (pretending to care, telling me she loved me when she didn’t, wonderful cards, sharing retirement dreams, etc.) in order to make life easier on herself monetarily. For her it was just a game and I was admittedly and easy, naive target. We were together for twelve years and the last six (for me) were filled with confusion. I somehow knew I was being manipulated but couldn't parse the difference between her words vs. her actions (denial). In the end, she admitted that she hadn't cared for me for most of the relationship, that she wanted to hook up with someone else, and wanted half of the assets. There is nothing as painful as being betrayed by someone you care for deeply. She destroyed my view of marriage and completely changed me from a loyal, devoted, loving, 'marriage oriented' guy into someone that will never again consider marriage. Once you stick your hand in the blender and get injured, if you’re of reasonable intelligence, making the same mistake again is unlikely. I date now but will never again look at marriage the way I used to. If I want sex, I go out and get it. That part is simple and relatively easy to attain. For love, loyalty and companionship, I have a great dog. Unfortunately, for many (both men and women), marriage is simply an avenue to financial gain and status. I was married and will never make that mistake again, not even with a solid prenup (prenups can be overturned in court given the right circumstances – whether real or contrived).
After a couple of years, my wife decided she didn’t love me anymore but decided to stay because it was easier on her financially. She continued to make me think things were good between us (pretending to care, telling me she loved me when she didn’t, wonderful cards, sharing retirement dreams, etc.) in order to make life easier on herself monetarily. For her it was just a game and I was admittedly and easy, naive target.
We were together for twelve years and the last six (for me) were filled with confusion. I somehow knew I was being manipulated but couldn’t parse the difference between her words vs. her actions (denial). In the end, she admitted that she hadn’t cared for me for most of the relationship, that she wanted to hook up with someone else, and wanted half of the assets.
There is nothing as painful as being betrayed by someone you care for deeply. She destroyed my view of marriage and completely changed me from a loyal, devoted, loving, ‘marriage oriented’ guy into someone that will never again consider marriage. Once you stick your hand in the blender and get injured, if you’re of reasonable intelligence, making the same mistake again is unlikely.
I date now but will never again look at marriage the way I used to. If I want sex, I go out and get it. That part is simple and relatively easy to attain. For love, loyalty and companionship, I have a great dog.
Unfortunately, for many (both men and women), marriage is simply an avenue to financial gain and status.

]]> Comment on Stop After The First-Date Kiss – Yeah, RIGHT by Delaine http://iamdivorcednotdead.com/sex-dating/have-fun-but-be-careful/delaine/stop-after-the-first-date-kiss-yeah-right/#comment-2620 Delaine Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:45:22 +0000 http://iamdivorcednotdead.com/?p=4998#comment-2620 Hi Karla, I think women of all ages, whether they're thirty or sixty, feel at odds about how to handle the sex issue after divorce. The social progamming runs deep - the question is, does it work for you NOW? And is it even fair to apply it now? For none of us plan to wake up one day divorced, sexless and re-entering the dating realm! It's easy for people to talk about 'shoulds' when they aren't in the position themselves. I'd recommend you take baby steps. Date, go out and meet as many men as you so choose, and give yourself permission to reacclimatize to the single world. Trust yourself to address the sex issue when it arises - there're no such things as 'mistakes', just focus on being being true to yourself and happy. I think that with all the life experience you have behind you, you are much more capable of making these choices on your own than you give yourself credit for. Hi Karla,
I think women of all ages, whether they’re thirty or sixty, feel at odds about how to handle the sex issue after divorce. The social progamming runs deep – the question is, does it work for you NOW? And is it even fair to apply it now? For none of us plan to wake up one day divorced, sexless and re-entering the dating realm! It’s easy for people to talk about ‘shoulds’ when they aren’t in the position themselves.

I’d recommend you take baby steps. Date, go out and meet as many men as you so choose, and give yourself permission to reacclimatize to the single world. Trust yourself to address the sex issue when it arises – there’re no such things as ‘mistakes’, just focus on being being true to yourself and happy. I think that with all the life experience you have behind you, you are much more capable of making these choices on your own than you give yourself credit for.

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