Category: Loving & Trusting

The Heart and Soul of Dominance & Submission

Posted by Delaine - April 30, 2015 - Fears & Challenges, Loving & Trusting, Making It Work, Relationships, Sex
ayhan 13 300x298  The Heart and Soul of Dominance & Submission

I accidentally crossed paths with my first Dominant online when I was going through a divorce seven years ago. My first thought was to run away fast: He must be some whip-toting freak with a dungeon in his basement. Fast-forward to today and I have three Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships behind me (though I’ve had vanilla…

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The Duke: Questions & Cautions around Doms and D/s Relationships

Posted by Delaine - May 30, 2014 - Concerns & Fears, Dating & Sex, From the Dating Trenches, Internet Dating, Loving & Trusting, On My Book Becoming A Movie, Sexual Issues & Kinks, slideshow, Women's Sexuality alex c3
alex c4  The Duke:  Questions & Cautions around Doms and D/s Relationships

The Duke, The Duke, The Duke — without a doubt, he’s a big character in my book/movie that captures women’s attention.  He is a sexual Dominant after all; a grown-up and much more believable “Christian Grey”. Alex Carter plays “The Duke” in my Lifetime movie – and dang…he is some convincing as a Dom, too (smiles).  Anyhow — I want to…

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Loving Again After Divorce: I Admit It – I’m Afraid

Posted by Delaine - March 25, 2014 - Dating & Sex, Fears & Challenges, Healing, Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Phases/ Stages, Relationships
divorce fear of love1  Loving Again After Divorce: I Admit It – I’m Afraid

From year two post-divorce… A close male friend of mine, one whose opinion I value greatly, keeps telling me:  Gypsy (his nickname for me), you are so afraid to fall in love.  You’ve built walls to protect yourself and keep men out, but you must be careful not to become your own prisoner. Immediately I…

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Thoughts on the “Next Serious Relationship” After Divorce

Posted by Delaine - January 10, 2014 - Blended & Changing Families, Fears & Challenges, Loving & Trusting, Making It Work, Relationships
serious relationship after divorce 300x153  Thoughts on the “Next Serious Relationship” After Divorce

The title of this blog may be a bit misleading.  Cause I don’t want to talk in a professional  tone or way about the “next serious relationship” after divorce.  I want to talk about mine. That’s right.  MY next serious relationship.  I had one for over 20 months.  And I never told you anything about…

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Ask Coach Delaine: “Why is my newly-divorced boyfriend retreating from me?”

Posted by Delaine - September 27, 2013 - Concerns & Fears, Dating & Sex, Fears & Challenges, Healing, Loving & Trusting, Phases/ Stages, Relationships, Single Dads, slideshow divorced man happy or hurting divorce moving on coping
divorcing man help sad angry trying to move on  Ask Coach Delaine: “Why is my newly-divorced boyfriend retreating from me?”

Question: Hello Delaine, I have been happily dating a separated man for the past year as he finished up his divorce.  His divorce was finally finalized last month. They were married for over 20 years and according to him, it wasn’t a good marriage. I’ve noticed, however, that ever since the divorce came through, he’s…

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When Men Quickly “Replace” After Separation or Divorce

Posted by Delaine - September 11, 2013 - Dealing with the ex, Fears & Challenges, Grief/ Anger, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Surviving, Understanding Men/Women
men replace quickly after divorce  When Men Quickly “Replace” After Separation or Divorce

When Barb contacted me via email last week, she was clearly very upset.  Only six months into her divorce, she’d discovered that her separated husband had a new serious girlfriend; they were even making plans to move in together.  “It’s not that I want him back,” she wrote.  “But it’s such a slap in the face –…

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When Divorced Girlfriends Offend: Too Quick to Criticize Love & Men?

Posted by Delaine - October 23, 2012 - Fears & Challenges, Loving & Trusting, Making It Work, Midlife Divorce, Relationships, Social Barriers & Change, Support & Girlfriends, Surviving
good intentions divorced girlfriends hurt  When Divorced Girlfriends Offend: Too Quick to Criticize Love & Men?

Recently a divorced woman named Sue found herself in a “gross” conversation with her divorced griflriends.  Not “gross” as in the subject matter was lude or disgusting; rather, the conversation left her feeling gross.  For  somehow, her friends’ conversation had shifted to her relationship with her boyfriend —  and as she put it, “It was like…

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20 Relationship Insights From A Divorced Man

Posted by Delaine - August 19, 2012 - Fears & Challenges, Loving & Trusting, Making It Work, Relationships, Sex
thinking man  20 Relationship Insights From A Divorced Man

Contributed by Gerald Rogers Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different.  After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have…

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“I Love You”: To Say or Not to Say

Posted by Delaine - January 24, 2012 - Fears & Challenges, Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Phases/ Stages, Relationships
man woman i love you after divorce2 300x201  “I Love You”: To Say or Not to Say

Thinking back to my twenties, I remember I said the words “I love you” very soon in my relationships with men.  The “love feelings” would overwhelm me: the closeness, the intimacy, the peace of feeling cared for and apart from the rest of the world.  The warmth and power of these feelings would fill my chest, sometimes to the…

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My Next Partner Will Lie Beside Me & Discuss a Good Book

Posted by Delaine - March 25, 2011 - Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Relationships
divorce mom reading relationship partner  My Next Partner Will Lie Beside Me & Discuss a Good Book

I’ve always yearned to lie beside the man I love and discuss a good book.  To me, the mere idea of it feels romantic.  Intimate.   Even arousing. No man I’ve cared for thus far, my ex-husband included, enjoyed reading books.  Sure, they’d scour over a newspaper or the odd motorcycle  or hunting magazine.  But when it came right down…

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True Love…What it is – REALLY?

Posted by Delaine - January 25, 2011 - Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Social Barriers & Change
true love what is it divorce women contemplate  True Love…What it is – REALLY?

What is true love?  This is a question I bet millions of divorcing people ask themselves, myself included.  After all, we all thought we had it…yet it slipped away. Ever since I was little girl this concept of true love was sold to me everywhere: the movies, TV, church, within my family.  It seemed the most magical thing,  the perfect…

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When Women Wear Blinders to the Truth

Posted by Delaine - September 16, 2010 - Infidelity, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Surviving
liar manipulator ex husband  When Women Wear Blinders to the Truth

Have you ever observed a woman sinking deeper and deeper into a bad relationship and know that it is not your job to intervene? What if this woman was with your ex-husband? Take Carrie as an example. The relationship she is currently involved in has ‘Destructive’ written all over it –  but either she’s too naïve…

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Relationship Warning: Do You See His Potential or Who He REALLY Is?

Posted by Delaine - August 31, 2010 - Dating & Sex, Fears & Challenges, From the Dating Trenches, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Understanding Men/Women
infatuated mans potential  Relationship Warning: Do You See His Potential or Who He REALLY Is?

It’s been three and a half years since my ex-husband and I split up.  And since then, despite the many dates and mini-relationships I’ve had, I’m still single.  But I don’t think of this as being a ‘bad’ thing ; I think I’ve needed this time – to heal, to grow, to like myself more…and to get a much stronger…

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And JUST LIKE THAT, True Love Might Enter Your Life

Posted by Delaine - April 13, 2010 - Dating & Sex, From the Dating Trenches, Loving & Trusting, Relationships
unexpected love after divorce1  And JUST LIKE THAT, True Love Might Enter Your Life

Shannon’s day had been typical and ordinary; she’d had no ’signs’ or reasons to think it might be anything but.   At 5 o’clock, having finishing her nursing shift at the hospital, she decided to stop in at a trendy bistro for a drink;  having a drink alone was no big deal to her whatsoever.  She stomped out her cigarette…

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Mr Right Will Be a Man Who ‘Earns’ Me

Posted by Delaine - November 19, 2009 - Dating & Sex, Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Understanding Men/Women
earn divorced woman 200x300  Mr Right Will Be a Man Who ‘Earns’ Me

Recently I wrote an article about how the phrase ,”I need a man who challenges me’, carried negative imagery and feelings for me.  It reminded me of my younger-day yearnings for Bad Boys (who did me no good) and,  as a few girlfriends pointed out,  had a tone of  ‘relationship management’ around it. Soon after writing…

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Finding ‘The One’ – Should We Be More Practical?

Posted by Delaine - August 4, 2009 - Dating & Sex, Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Relationships
finding the one shold we be more practical 226x300  Finding ‘The One’ – Should We Be More Practical?

Since divorcing two years ago, I’ve questioned (and doubted) this thing called True Love. I mean, we hear about it, read about, and watch it in the movies. But is there really such a thing a ‘THE One’ for everyone? Or is it something that very few are destined to have? Sometimes I think there…

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Relationship Patterns: I Don’t Want to Be a Man’s Psychologist

Posted by Delaine - June 27, 2009 - Fears & Challenges, Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Making It Work, Relationships, Understanding Men/Women
divorced men counselling 300x233  Relationship Patterns: I Don’t Want to Be a Man’s Psychologist

Flash back a few years ago. Sitting on a park bench with a man I loved, a man I thought the greatest human being on earth. He was showing me old photos from his childhood, words, stories, spilling out of his mouth. I sat there listening, loving him, wanting to know more, wanting to help…

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Would You Risk Everything For Another Shot at Love?

Posted by Delaine - April 9, 2009 - Dating & Sex, Longing...and Learning, Loving & Trusting, Relationships
6a010536f43000970c01156f160bf2970c 800wi  Would You Risk Everything For Another Shot at Love?

A girlfriend of mine says she’s fallen in love. She’s met him only three times – he lives thousands of miles away in the United States. She now talks of how she plans to move there at the end of the year: she’ll find a new job; move away from her family and friends. Her eyes…

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You’ve PROVEN You Don’t “Need” A Man – NOW what?

Posted by Delaine - March 26, 2009 - Fears & Challenges, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Support & Girlfriends
black and white side cropped sm  You’ve PROVEN You Don’t “Need” A Man – NOW what?

“You’ve proven you don’t need a man, Delaine.”   My best friend Hali then put her wine glass down on the restaurant table and continued: “So when are you going to stop proving it and move BEYOND it?” I looked at her confused. “What are you talking about?” “You’ve done it Delaine.  You’ve shown everyone that you can…

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