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Two months into his divorce, Mike returned home early from work one afternoon to a big surprise: his ex-wife had let herself in and was standing in his living room. “I needed to come by and pick up a few things,” she said casually. “I tried calling you earlier. Didn’t you get my message? I didn’t think you’d mind…”
But he did. In fact, the feelings of being ‘intruding upon’ surprised him. What if he’d been with another woman? What if, what if, what if? But it was more than that… it was about respecting that his was now HIS house, not theirs. Still, he ended up saying nothing. After all, their divorce was proceeding amicably – they were still ‘friends.’ He didn’t want to cause an upset, especially so early into their separation…
Mike’s scenario brings up an important, yet oftentimes ‘uncomfortable’ question for those going through a divorce: When/should the owner of the matrimonial home get the locks changed? Like Mike, you may have a variety of mixed feelings/reasons holding you back from doing so; i.e., fear of hurting the ex’s feelings, fear of his/her reaction, guilt, great hope that it’s unnecessary, trust in your soon-to-be-ex… (read more here)
Within months of separating from my ex two years ago, I suddenly felt an incredible need to redecorate the master bedroom. I’m not sure if I did it more as a mental distraction at the time, or if some unconscious part of me knew I needed to ‘get him out of there” and make a new space just for me.Regardless, redecorating had an astoundingly soothing AND uplifting effect on me. The master bedroom became MY place to rest and recharge, MY personal space, a reflection of ME …even though just outside the door was a family dream and identity in shambles.