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For eight years, I lived what appeared to be the family dream – three young kids, a nice home, a loving husband… At age 37, however, my entire identity was flattened by the tornadoes of infidelity(s) and divorce. I followed all of society’s rules, I thought lifelessly. I did everything expected of me. And for what – THIS?
But deep within the shell of the Woman I’d become, there stirred signs of life: my sexual energy. Horrified, I tried to shove it down. I was a stay-at-home MOM after all, a lady who who conducted herself by high morals and principles.
But my body was relentless: whispering to me, pushing me, demanding that I allow it to take charge. So the first time in my life, I allowed myself to listen to and follow it. Over the next year, my body thrust my life forward, blasting through all my ‘coulds’ and ’shoulds’, and demanding that I recognize how much of my Self and passion I’d sublimated to be the perfect mom and wife.
What resulted from this ‘period of insanity’ (smile) was my memoir - A Woman’s Body Never Lies. It is the outrageous yet hard-earned story of how my body roused amidst a crisis to become not only my ‘rescuer’ but my ‘master spiritual teacher’ - around how and why I loved, what I believed myself worthy of, and what role passion could/should play in my life. I also learned along my journey that my body has always known my truth - both during my marriage and afterwards. I’d just covered up its messages and warnings - with some pretty little self-told lies.
Now, almost three years into my divorce, the ’learning’ continues – the good, the bad, and the ‘naughty’. Sometimes I still have bad moments, even bad days, where I feel completely overwhelmed with my plate of life. But mmmmm, sometimes it’s as satisfying as a piece of chocolate cake (*wink).
Even if I don’t know where exactly my life is headed, I know I’ll never suppress my passionate Self to be what someone else wants me to be. Nor will I settle for a life of mediocrity again. And I want other divorcing women to know that even though this crisis looks and feels like hell, it is NOT their final destination; it is but a detour, a school of tough self-love, that is ultimately designed to bring them home - to their Whole Self ; the real definition of a virgin.
