Beware the Loose, Wrinkly, Lopsided Vulva!

Posted by Delaine - September 5, 2011 - Career & Money, Concerns & Fears, Dating & Sex, Loving The Skin You're In, Women's Sexuality - 8 Comments

So apparently the look and feel of our vulvas/vaginas are one more thing we’re to concern ouserlves with as we reconstruct our lives and selves after divorce.

Haven’t you heard?  We’re supposed to be as pretty and symmetrical as a text-book drawing.  Are you a little one-sided?  Stretched out?  Perhaps a little dangly?

Well welcome the labioplasto – a delightful flesh-carving procedure that ‘re-sculpts’ your labia.  Now you can lie back and spread your legs for any man with pride.

Vagina too big?  Saggy?  Wrinkly?  Tsk tsk, you childbearing women.  Welcome the vaginoplasti, a totally invasive way of removing some of that vaginal tissue. To heck with kegels – don’t bother strengthening your muscles back into shape the natural way.  You should be smaller and tighter damn it - small enough for even the teesiest of penises.

Now…about your G-spot orgasm.  (If you’re one of the lucky 25% of women who have them.)   Apparently you need a bit more umph!  How about some collagen injected into your G-spot.  What’s that?  True…there isn’t such a thing as actual G-‘spot’.  But that cluster of glands around the urethra?  That target zone is good enough – this shot will make it BIGGER.  How long does it last?  Three months.

vaginal-surgery-after-birth

Yes, only three months.  But it’ll be oh so worth the major explosion it causes.

Risks, smisks, why be so serious?  Don’t you want to have the perfect looking/feeling pussy?  Don’t you want to satisfy your man and prevent any nightmares of being swallowed by a gigantic vagina?

Alright.  So there’s one major one – the possibility of having pain and numbness for the rest of your life. But so what.  Don’t you want to look and feel ‘perfect’ for your man?  It’s just your vagina hun, one of the most sacred, beautiful, SENSITIVE parts of your body…

Run away hun.  Run away fast.  Any man who has issues with your vagina should take a peek at his own tackle and begin ‘enhancing’ and ‘rejuvenating’ there.  Be happy with what you’ve got.  You’re vagina is perfectly perfect the way it is; they come in every size, shape and texture under the sun, you just don’t know it cause us women don’t whip it out at urinals and compare ours to the person next to us.

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