The Many Degrees of ‘Man Craziness’: Is It time to Break the Habit?

A lot of divorced women – myself included – go through a ‘man crazy’ phase in the aftermath of divorce. By ‘man-crazy’ I mean some part of them is always thinking about, worried about, or eagerly daydreaming about some guy they plan to meet, want to meet, or hope to meet.

There are many different shades to this insanity; different degrees of obsessive-like thinking so-to-speak.  It could be as manic as serial dating (been there!).  It could manifest as allowing thoughts of a guy you hardly know to get waaaaay too far ahead of you (you know what I mean).  Or, it could simply present itself as this ache or strange restlessness inside of you that feeds your brain with steady thoughts like:  “I need a man, I need a man, I’m all alone, I need a man.”

I’m not judging this behavior as ‘bad’.  Like I said, I’ve been in this position myself before.   I really just want to ask you as question: do you think your man-craziness is an old habit?

It can be tricky to identify when exactly this kind of ‘habit’ started.  For some it’s the teenage years.  Others, it’s college or somewhere after.  Regardless as to when it took root, what drives the habit are usually a few common denominators -  such as:

1) a history of going from serious relationship to serious relationship back-to-back

2) a history of going from serious relationship to being obsessed-with-finding-the-next-serious-relationship, till it happens

3) a deeply entrenched belief/fear that without a man to love  and vice versa, life is somehow incomplete

4) an unconscious  beleif that once Mr Right appears, THEN you will take care of all the other aspects of your life that need your attention and energy

So again, I’d like to ask you, do you think man-craziness is YOUR old habit? And once you’ve had a chance to look at your history and present mind/heart-set, let me ask you this:  Do you hold onto this habit in part because it’s easier/less frightening than facing the fears you have in other incomplete areas of your life? For example, starting or changing careers, embracing single-parenting, making new girlfriends/creating a new social network, contributing to ‘life’ in some purposeful way…?

Hmmm.  I wonder what would happen – how your life would change – if you decided to face THOSE fears instead…