A Smart, Savy, No BS Girlfriend:We All Need One During Divorce

Posted by Delaine - February 28, 2011 - Legal Matters, Support & Girlfriends, Surviving - 2 Comments

girlfriend-tough-smart-divorceSmart.  Well-informed.  A ’no- BS’ kind of dame.  This is the type of  girlfriend I think every divorcing woman needs in her corner as she navigates divorce.  Especially if the divorce has gotten tense…and the ex is a dirty fighter.

I don’t think it’s the only kind of friend or support we need; there are those whose primarily listen, those who make us forget, those who ground us…and we need them all.  

But the divorce process sometimes requires us to be smarter and stronger than we’re accustomed to being.  Certain issues even demand we be tough.  And if allow you’re not of that mindset, if that’s just not a natural part of your character, THAT’S when you need the iron support of a smart, savy, no BS girlfriend.

My best friend Hali is one such woman.  And I must admit that at the beginning of our divorces (we went through them at the same time), I often found her approach too aggressive.  Whether she was dealing with legal matters, her ex, or issues around their parenting schedule, she always grabbed the bull by the proverbial horns and said, “This is what I want, I think this is fair and reasonable, I’ll seek legal counsel if need be, but I trust my instincts and I have to proceed accordingly.”

I, on the other hand, was the opposite.  Never pushed. Never shoved.  Never lied or played the bluff game.  I chose to take the highroad and trust that all would “work itself out” -  I was a good person… so was my ex, and these things take time.

Sometimes Hali’s opinion about how I handled my divorce aggravated me.  After all, her opinions and her approach were just that – HERS, not mine.  And I found her methods and attitude too ‘absolute’.  Pheraps too…masculine. 

But thank God, THANK GOD, she devoutly stood at my side even when I was going nowhere fast.  Thank God she continued to offer her guidance and opinion, even when I wasn’t ready to hear them.   Cause you know what?  I NEEDED someone like her in my corner to help me find my backbone.  I NEEDED someone to calm me down and reassure me that my ex’s behavior was unacceptable.  I NEEDED someone to remind me that the money I was spending on legal action was WELL-SPENT, that I and my children were entitled to an arrangement that was FAIR ,and that I DID have the courage and strength to grab MY life by the horns and fight for what was right.  Ultimately, my best friend Hali helped me find the smart, well-informed, no-bullshit woman in ME.

Smart, knowledgeable, no-bullshit women are amongst us. And if you haven’t such a friend in your present life, know that you can find them here on this site, as well as an array of others that offer valuable support of different kinds.  Just remember, they may not always tell you what you want or are ready to hear…yet.

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