My Admiration and Appreciation of Men
It’s happening; I’ve reached a point where I no longer wish to block it. The ice around my heart is melting…and I’mfeeling my ‘need’ for a man again.
It has taken four years of being single to arrive at this place. It has required I first learn how to be happy on my own. But now I want to be happier. And that means it’s time for me to allow my human need - the one of my heart and soul - to make room for the energy of loving a man again.
The metamorphisis I’m undergoing is difficult to describe. It’s like I’ve suddenly dawned a new set of glasses – and what I see of men all around me fills me with strong feelings of gratitude and adoration for them. Please allow me to give you a few examples from today to show you what I mean”:
Incident #1: I was driving downtown at lunch hour for a meeting. While idling at a set of lights I looked up and saw a couple of men working forty floors up on wide open beams. And though I’ve seen this kind of scene countless times before, today it was different; for I suddenly thought, “Thank God for men” - and I really felt it!
My mind then began sorting through other jobs men commonly hold - the ones that require they lift their body weight or more, or get greasy or sweaty all day, or put their physical safety at risk. I thought about the skill and power and precision so many of these jobs require, as well as how perfectly the male physique is built for doing them; the male body is truly an amazing thing, isn’t it?
Now some of you might find that whole line of thinking sexist. After all, many women can and do perform such jobs in the workforce just as well as men. I’m just not one of them. And truth be told, since divorcing, I’ve despised having do repairs on my house; I don’t even enjoy maintaining my car. My point is that this incident today allowed me to not only APPRECIATE men, but ADMIRE them. In turn, those feelings put me in touch with my ‘need’ to have a man around to do the ‘handy’ stuff in my home. I’ll even go so far as to say that I miss that about my ex-husband; he was really good at such things…and I totally took it for granted.
Incident #2: I was walking behind a man and woman in the mall, scanning the shops for a drug store. Suddenly I saw the man reach over, wrap his arm around the woman, and kiss the side of her head. As I watched this transpire from a distance, time seemed to stand still – I felt not only how she relaxed her head into his shoulder, but the loving, protective energy behind his actions. And in that moment… my ‘need’ to be held and feel a strong, protective arm around me filled me with warmth.
Incident #3: I was in a furniture store, looking for a new throw rug. The sales associate was a man and doing his best to help me coordinate colors. But suddenly he confessed, “Ummm, I have to be honest with you – I really don’t have a clue how to match colors. Flat-screens and recliners are more my specialty.”
And I laughed. I laughed and rejoiced at his male ‘tendency’ towards electronics, comfy recliners, and a remote. Why? Cause it put me in touch with my femininity: my need to make things beautiful; to take care of the home, other people, the planet. And by tuning into my own femininity – something I’ve denied myself too often these past years, I become aware of my ‘need’ for balancing - I make space for the masculine to reenter my life.
I don’t know if what I wrote here today makes sense to anyone but me. Perhaps I flipped so far to the ‘independant’ side since divorcing that I blocked out my need for a man to a more severe degree than others. Regardless, where I’m at now feels good. It’s like a rusty old valve in my heart is reopening and pulsing again. And I can only feel gratitude for it – for I don’t want my desire to be i’ndependant’ to mean I have to spend the rest of my life alone. And if I realize that up to this time, by NOT allowing myself to feel my ‘need’, I’ve sent men running the other way – and why wouldn’t they?