When Women Wear Blinders to the Truth

Posted by Delaine - September 16, 2010 - Infidelity, Loving & Trusting, Relationships, Surviving - 1 Comment

liar manipulator ex husbandHave you ever observed a woman sinking deeper and deeper into a bad relationship and know that it is not your job to intervene?

What if this woman was with your ex-husband?

Take Carrie as an example. The relationship she is currently involved in has ‘Destructive’ written all over it –  but either she’s too naïve and trusting and he’s a master manipulator, or she simply hasn’t the life experience or self-esteem to know better:

A few years ago, Carrie fell in love with and began an affair with her now fiancé John.   The fact that he was cheating when he met her and thus would probably cheat on her some day too, didn’t register….But hey –  she adored him, she thought she’d be ‘different’, and she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, as women so often do…

John did leave his wife for Carrie and within six months, even though his divorce wasn’t official,  he asked her to marry him. Carrie’s dreams were coming true…

But then a huge bomb dropped – Carries discovered that John was ALSO engaged to ANOTHER woman who he’d been having another affair with.  (Seriously – can you imagine?)

His other mistress dumped his sorry-butt real quick.  But as for Carrie…she decided to forgive him and moved in with him!  Anyone else here shaking her head????

Carrie continues to get warning signs – for example, they haven’t been able to set a wedding date because John said his ex-wife is being difficult and refusing to grant the divorce.  Carrie then decided to bring up the matter with his ex-wife over the phone; after all, her future was being put on hold.  But to her uptmost suprise, the ex-wife replied, “Ummm, I’ve been trying to push the divorce through for over a year now.  HE’S the one who’s refusing to sign.”

Looks like John is doing his damnedest to avoid marrying Carrie, wouldn’t you say?  It’s obvious he has another agenda on the go,  and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if if involved yet another woman.

But Carrie’s still with him, standing resolutely by his side, determined to love him through and beyond all else.  And it saddens me…cause even though I don’t know her personally, I see my former naïve Self in her, refusing to ’see’, filling herself with self-told lies.   And a part of me wishes I could shake into her sensibilities, convince her to get out before she bottoms out completely; no man like this is worth clinging to …

But I know it is she who needs to arrive at that place on her own; she, like every other woman, will learn her big life lessons when and if she is ready.  I just thank God those big ones lie behind me now.  I’m definitely the wiser from them.