Do you ever wonder if divorce and/or infidelity have ‘hardened’ you? I don’t mean ‘hardened’ as in “made you stronger.” I mean as in, “encased you in a shell of mistrust and bitterness towards the opposite sex.”
Cause that’s what happened to me; I wasn’t even conscious of it at the time. Truth is, to this day, I still sometimes struggle with it. And I find it kind of scary – cause even though these feelings are a natural part of the grieving process, I can see how it would be easy to get stuck in them for too long. Some people never move beyond them… right?
I started building ‘walls’ between myself and men somewhere around eight months into my divorce. I’d already been out there dating for a few months by that point – which was more like me running around with my heart on my sleeve trying desperately to find a ‘replacement partner.’
But by the eight-month mark something shifted in me. I’d become more comfortable with the dating scene and realized I didn’t need to ‘panic’ - I even gave myself permission to fully ‘explore’ what the dating/sex scene had to offer. At the same time, however, I began processing my divorce/infidelities. And my ‘walls’ started going up – with ANGER and FEAR OF BEING HURT AGAIN acting as chief foremen.
My Anger proclaimed that I’d never again be a man’s doormat - not even for a moment – as I had in past relationships and in my marriage. Never again was a man going to rip my heart out by fucking other women behind my back; he’d never get close enough for me to care. Never again was I going to be the one who chased men, who spent hours daydreaming over ‘what might be’ – hell, figuring out men was a waste of my time and an insult to my purpose for being alive. I resolved that if a man wanted me, if he was TRULY worthy of me, he would not only pursue me with every ounce of his being, he’d have to be brave enough, strong enough, to blast through my walls and swoop me up… (read more here)













When my divorced friend Barb moved in with her new boyfriend two years ago, she promised herself she’d make their relationship - particularly their sex life - top priority. So in addition to their 6-10 weekly sessions of dynamite sex, Barb ALSO decided to make every Friday night all about his – and only his – sexual pleasure.
Smart. Knowledgeable. A ‘no bullshit’ kind of woman. This is the kind of girlfriend/ e-friend I think every divorcing woman needs to have in her corner during her divorce.

His comments caught me totally off guard:
Sometimes dealing with an ex can feel like you’re dealing with a child: you give and give and give….you kindly explain the same thing over and over and over again …yet still they don’t ‘get it.’ And though it’s sad to say - and painful to have to do - sometimes we have to take legal action to make them ‘grow up.’