Divorce & the Transformational Power of Emotional Pain

Posted by Delaine - February 8, 2010 - Grief/ Anger, Healing, Phases/ Stages, Surviving, Wisdom Gained - No Comments

By Guest Writer, Malou

zzmalouemotion1I have been living a life short of a fairy tale until that fateful day last year. A job, a wonderful husband, a delightful daughter, a big house complete with a garden, a whole room dedicated just for my clothes and shoes….I was a princess!! The only thing missing was a dog and a couple of adopted children and we would have rivaled Angie and Brad on that magazine cover.

The lone factor that cast a shadow on this, otherwise, idyllic picture was that I didn’t feel like I was in a fairy tale. I felt more like the frog than the princess. Friends wanted to trade lives with me while I wanted to trade with them.

To have everything but to feel like you have nothing is a dreadful. I was awash with feelings of guilt for being ungracious of all the blessings I have, but at the same time, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I was looking for something. And there is nothing worse than looking for something without an inkling of what it is you’re looking for. To demand answers but not have the questions. I was, so to speak, utterly, inexplicably, absolutely lost.

Only after a certain period of reflection did I realize that it was my own spirit shouting release. It was crying out to me from the depths of my being. For my spirit was empty. My soul was parched dry. I was looking for meaning. For purpose. Something bigger than the mundane life that I was living. I was not just lost. I was gone.

Being reborn to a purposeful life sounded grand. It sounded noble. But there was a catch. The problem with rebirth is that you have to die first. And, the bigger problem is that you don’t really die. Just figuratively.

Let me explain. Awakening comes with a price – pain. And I’m not talking about the “ouch-I-scratched-my-knee” kind of pain. I’m talking BIG pain. HUGE. It brings about feelings of desolation, desperation, solitude, hurt, anger, fear and doubt. So much pain that at times death would seem merciful.

But you don’t.

This is because your Higher Self is relentless in its pursuit. It forces you to stand up, take stock and assume. It commands you not to buckle down. And in a world of paradox, the only way you can do that is by going through the pain.

Pain is not just a given in the road to awakening. It is a necessity. Only by accepting this pain and embracing it, can we forge on and emerge in triumph.

We see the chronicles of humanity replete with this image. Various bible stories, legends and lores contain this rite of passage. God had to flood the Earth in order for new life to bloom. The Indian prince, Siddartha Gautama, had to turn his back on his life of utter perfection in order to attain spiritual enlightenment and become the Buddha. It is also everywhere around us in nature. A caterpillar has to spin itself into a cocoon, surrounding itself in darkness, before metamorphosing into an exquisite butterfly.

As excruciating as it is, embracing the pain is our only vehicle to go into the light. So rather than closing our fists and resisting, let us open our hearts and welcome. For in that solitary moment of darkness and hollow emptiness, your awakening begins.

Who is Malou?

Malou2I am a 35-year-old woman, originally from the Philippines now living in Geneva, Switzerland for more than a decade. I had no plans to make Switzerland home but I got swept off my feet and decided to leave my family behind for love. That was 12 years ago. My life has now gone full circle from being “swept off my feet” to being “knocked off my feet”. I have been separated for six months. There is a wonderful soon-to-be 8-year-old daughter to remind me that there WERE good moments. To pinpoint more or less my GPS coordinates with regard to where-am-I-right-now-professionally, I guess you can say that I am an HR professional-slash-blogger-slash-aspiring book author-woman on her own. For more about Malou check out her blog at MCairus.