Dear Younger Men: I’m no “MILF”. You’re the “SMILF!”
Since becoming single again this past year, I’ve been called a ‘Cougar’ – which I hate, and a MILF. When I discovered MILF stood for “Mother I’d Like to F***”, I laughed. Though some might find it offensive, I found it rather endearing: I imagined these luscious, muscley young men looking at me with awe and innocence in their eyes. How cute they wanted a ‘teacher.’ *grin.
As my dating adventures continued, I crossed into “Young-Man Territory” a few times. Mentally, I found these relationships very limited – we weren’t on the same page of life whatsoever. But physically, mmmmm… that was another story. Not only did they have stamina and the ‘look’ to keep me afire, they had a willingness to please, to learn, and become a better lover.
And then one day a question struck me: Why do men have cute nicknames for women like MILF and we don’t have any for men? Are we too polite? Have we lost our sense of humor when it comes to sex? Or is the title ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’ all we’re comfortable with?
I then began rethinking the word MILF – for some reason it was bugging me. Digging deeper I realized it was because it made the man into the Hunter and the woman into the Prey. And in my young man relationships, that was NOT the dynamic: THEY were the prey, and I was the HUNTRESS.
From that day forward I thus proclaimed a new honorary name for these delightful specimens of flesh: SMILF – Service Male I’d Like To F***. It reverses the power scheme AND it sounds cute, kind of like an adorable little smurf.
But WAIT! Hold your horses. Not just ANY man can become a SMILF; this is high-status stuff, something that must be earned. Three primary criteria must be met:
1) At LEAST one orgasm must go to the woman before him during every encounter
2) If any extra large ejaculation occurs on the woman’s part, he will change the sheets without fuss, and
3) NO SMALL PENISES ARE ALLOWED.
God love you SMILFS.