Getting Real: If You’re Secretly ‘Talking’ to Someone, Are You Cheating On Your Spouse?

Posted by Delaine - July 16, 2009 - Infidelity, Surviving - 7 Comments


Though there may be some exceptions to the rule, in my opinion, ’emotional affairs’ are the same, if not worse, than jumping in bed with someone else. 

I’ve heard many justifications from people:  “But it’s not really cheating cause I haven’t had sex with her. ”  Or:  “We just have this connection, you know.  I can’t expect my spouse to be everything I need, so why not enjoy it in another person?”

I’m not writing this to tell anyone what to do.  Nor am I going to massacre anyone in this situation.  I just want to people to ‘get real': cut through the self-told justifications.  Why?  Cause underneath it all, whether you’ve had sex or not, a part of you knows the ‘truth’ – of your feelings, that is.  The sooner you see it, the sooner you can make the best choices that empower you…and prevent you from hurting others.

Ask yourself the following questions regarding you and your ‘friend’.  If you answer yes to any of them, know, there’s a great chance you’re playing with fire:

  • Do you get butterflies in your stomach when thinking of him/her?  
  • Do you fantasize/daydream about him/her?
  • Are you talking, texting and/or emailing every day or close to?
  • Would you be OK with your spouse overhearing your conversations?
  • Are you not telling your ex because you know it will raise suspicions?
  • Does he/she stimulate you on all levels, including the heart level? 
  • Does the thought of not talking to him anymore leave you feeling empty?
  • Do you wonder, ‘what if…?’
  • Do you compare this ‘friend’ to your partner?
  • Is it negatively affecting the emotional and physical intimacy you have with your spouse?

Again, I’m writing this not to judge people, but to help them ‘get real.’  For the bottom line is, if you play with fire you CAN get burnt… But you know what?  It might also awaken you.  Either way, honesty with yourself is key.