Divorced Mom Worries: Can I Properly Celebrate my Sons’ Passage into Manhood?

Posted by Delaine - July 8, 2009 - Co-Parenting, Parenting, Single Dads, Single Moms - 1 Comment


I was sitting around the campfire with my kids and extended family when an ongoing conversation seized my attention:

At first, I thought my older brother was organizing a “boys-only” camping trip and inviting my uncle along.    But I quickly learned there was a special mission behind this getaway:  he was planning to celebrate his eldest son’s passage into manhood.

My brother didn’t have any particular ‘ceremonies’ planned.  But his idea was to surround his son with important, positive male role models who would individually and collectively express to him what it means to ‘be a man’ during this special weekend. 

I totally admired my brother’s intentions.  After all, other cultures and religions hold celebrations around this stage in a boy’s maturation, so why shouldn’t he create one that’s meaningful to his family?

But then the inevitable happened – I started thinking about my own sons.  And since they live in a divorced home, dad not around very much, uncles rarely present –  who might take the initiative some day and plan such an event in their lives?

I know my sons’ passages to manhood lie years ahead so I’m totally jumping the gun.  But as a mom – a divorced mom – I worry about my sons’ not having a positive male role model in their day-to-day lives.  In a way it makes me kind of panic – like I should make finding a Good Man the top priority.

But of course, we can’t force anything to happen, and that’s just me going momentarily crazed.   I know that if the time comes and no significant male is in their daily lives, I can fly my sons back East so they can be with their uncles.    And if worse comes to worst, I will do my own ceremony with each of them – take each away somewhere special, just the two of us.

One thing is for sure:  this ceremony won’t involve sliding him some dirty mags, getting him drunk and taking him to see strippers.  No, I’m not kidding when I say this.  For it’s my belief that this is the extent of some fathers’ depth and spiritual awareness.