Is It Wrong to Slam Deadbeat Dads on TV?
What do you think of the idea of a reality show that exposes fathers who refuse to pay child support?
This is what divorced dad and author Joel Schwartzberg opined on a few days ago in his article, “Is it Wrong to Slam Deadbeat Dads on TV?” Cause apparently Lifetime TV has announced their intention to air such a show – it’s called Deadbeat Dads. And it has ‘dads’ rights’ activists in a tizzy.
Fathers & Families, a dad-advocacy group, says the problem is that a strong majority of divorced dads with shared custody pay child support regularly, so such a program paints an unrealistic and demeaning stereotype of divorced fathers.
An editorial in The Washington Times calls Deadbeat Dads a cheap shot that ignores “the damage the show can cause children, wives and other family members.” It also cites a study finding that 77 percent of non-custodial fathers are not able to spend court-ordered time with their children as a result of “visitation interference” by the custodial parent. Comparing apples to Apple Jacks, the piece concludes, “In short, lousy moms outnumber deadbeat dads 3-1.”
As a divorced father, Schwartzberg says he doesn’t feel maligned by a show vilifying deadbeat dads any more than he feels maligned by To Catch a Predator simply because he met an (appropriately-aged) girlfriend online. He writes: “The subliminal association isn’t between “deadbeat dads” and “divorced dads” as much as it is between irresponsible and responsible behavior.”
Schwarberg continues: “If you want to see some really “bad dad” influences, just watch Everybody Loves Raymond or any sitcom featuring a pudgy, buffoonish, sedentary man-childish father with a knockout wife. Better yet, let’s boycott the majority of Father’s Day cards that emphasize our laziness, our inattentiveness, our proximity to senility, and our love of all things nautical.”
Myself, coming at this issue through the eyes of a divorced mom of three, I think such a show can have merit – depending on how the ‘slamming’ is done. I think a program that reveals the harsh repercussions of dads’ irresponsible behavior is eye-opening and much-needed for both children and adults. I know many men who rise up in every capacity as divorced dads but I also know several deadbeats; I don’t confuse the two groups. And there’s no denying the injustice and devastating effects deadbeats’ have on everyone’s lives. I think this truth needs to be exposed for what it is…though not necessarily ‘slammed.’
What do YOU think?
* Joel Schwartzberg is an award-winning essayist and author of “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad“
12 comments
I don’t think it does anyone any good- espeically kids – to see men being chased and ripped apart on these kinds of shows. Already I feel like I have justify that I’m not a predator if I smile at a child, or a horny pig if I glance at an attractive woman, I don’t need to add “not a deadbeat” to the list that just keeps growing.
I don’t think it does anyone any good- espeically kids – to see men being chased and ripped apart on these kinds of shows. Already I feel like I have justify that I’m not a predator if I smile at a child, or a horny pig if I glance at an attractive woman, I don’t need to add “not a deadbeat” to the list that just keeps growing.
What a great site! Interesting article too. I think this kind of reality show is a great idea and can be used as a tool and a wake-up call to lazy deadbeat dads. Good dads shouldn’t be threatened, they should feel releived that this serious social problem is finally being exposed. I’m not threatened at the idea of the same kind of show exposing deadbeat moms either. At the core, it’s about us taking responsibility for our children.
What a great site! Interesting article too. I think this kind of reality show is a great idea and can be used as a tool and a wake-up call to lazy deadbeat dads. Good dads shouldn’t be threatened, they should feel releived that this serious social problem is finally being exposed. I’m not threatened at the idea of the same kind of show exposing deadbeat moms either. At the core, it’s about us taking responsibility for our children.
Done documentary style, I think a program like this could be really informative and interesting – just good journalism.
Done reality-show style, I think it’ll likely be a sensationalist mess that ruins lives, widens the gulf between people who have no choice but to raise a child together no matter how much they hate each other and will probably result in a lot of kids who are scarred for life.
Reality shows exist to make money and get ratings, and the more of a train-wreck something is… the more the audience can savour the contestants’ misery, the better the show will do (sadly.)
Don’t get me wrong – I know reality TV can be done in a way that is compassionate and beneficial and still interesting (Secret Millionaire and Holmes on Homes are two of the only reality shows I’ll actually watch) but the majority of them are pure trash designed to profit off the misfortune and lack of self-respect that the contestants have. When you add kids to the mix, it just gets ugly.
Done documentary style, I think a program like this could be really informative and interesting – just good journalism.
Done reality-show style, I think it’ll likely be a sensationalist mess that ruins lives, widens the gulf between people who have no choice but to raise a child together no matter how much they hate each other and will probably result in a lot of kids who are scarred for life.
Reality shows exist to make money and get ratings, and the more of a train-wreck something is… the more the audience can savour the contestants’ misery, the better the show will do (sadly.)
Don’t get me wrong – I know reality TV can be done in a way that is compassionate and beneficial and still interesting (Secret Millionaire and Holmes on Homes are two of the only reality shows I’ll actually watch) but the majority of them are pure trash designed to profit off the misfortune and lack of self-respect that the contestants have. When you add kids to the mix, it just gets ugly.
Maybe it’s just me, but I see a Clear difference between deadbeat dad’s and divorced dad’s. Deadbeat dad= dad who left relationship while mother was/is pregnant, hasn’t taken Any responsibility for his child financially or otherwise and works under the table to get away from paying child support and willingly refuses to work with the authorities in taking care of said child. Divorced dad=dad who left marriage, or his wife left marriage due to unforseen circumstances…this takes responsibilty for his child in every way possible including paying support and taking the child every weekend, holiday, birthday, etc. I see NO problem with Lifetime going after the Jackasses I classify as a deadbeat dad.
Maybe it’s just me, but I see a Clear difference between deadbeat dad’s and divorced dad’s. Deadbeat dad= dad who left relationship while mother was/is pregnant, hasn’t taken Any responsibility for his child financially or otherwise and works under the table to get away from paying child support and willingly refuses to work with the authorities in taking care of said child. Divorced dad=dad who left marriage, or his wife left marriage due to unforseen circumstances…this takes responsibilty for his child in every way possible including paying support and taking the child every weekend, holiday, birthday, etc. I see NO problem with Lifetime going after the Jackasses I classify as a deadbeat dad.
I agree with Anlina. If it’s done as a reality show, it will be sensational and one-sided. It will go for the drama and be very one-sided. There are men who are labelled dead beats who aren’t, just as there are ‘cheaters’ out there who had very good reasons (all be them complicated) for cheating.
A well researched documenarty series – sure. One that focuses on resolution and what can be done to help families and women move forward – sure. But I envision a reality show looking like the show ‘cheaters’ where men are defensive and reactionary and unfairly not given the chance to explain themselves.
I agree with Anlina. If it’s done as a reality show, it will be sensational and one-sided. It will go for the drama and be very one-sided. There are men who are labelled dead beats who aren’t, just as there are ‘cheaters’ out there who had very good reasons (all be them complicated) for cheating.
A well researched documenarty series – sure. One that focuses on resolution and what can be done to help families and women move forward – sure. But I envision a reality show looking like the show ‘cheaters’ where men are defensive and reactionary and unfairly not given the chance to explain themselves.
It’s too bad the children who are a product of these broken families cant log in and give their input. It amazes me how the argument, especially from the labeled deadbeat, seems to be all about everything but the victim–the child! Life is full of obstacles and we can choose to avoid our responsibilities or overcome the challenge and be accountable. I am a young, hands on father of four and although my marriage is on the break down i cant imagine anyone getting in the way of me keeping a positive relationship with my children. I know i haven’t read one good one in any of the posts. I’m also a victim of deadbeat parents, both of them! I remember the feelings, the disapointments, and the countless sad moments that could of cost me my life. I remember feeling unwanted, neglected, and having low self-esteem as if my parents didnt find me important then who would? the gov’t, my estranged wife, the new husband, my lack of funds, etc would never prevent me from having a good relationship with my child–even if i’m unable to pay and labeled as a deadbeat. I want my children to always know who I am, how important they are to me,and what i’m willing to do so i can give them all they ask for–a hug, good advice, a good example of a man who can be responsible inspite of the countless obstacles. I want them to know that we as humans are defined by the way we cope with disapointments, challenges, and shortcomings.I want them to know that they are more important than me being financially ok as they are my motivation–f@$%* the gov’t or their mother if need be! I have countless friends who have been beat up by the system and life BUT they never neglected the child, even when they were behind on payments or suffering froma job or love loss. The future depends on our youth who are often lost due to our selfish behavior Please check the statistics on how children that grow up in fatherless homes compare to those who have both parents active in their life. If that doesnt move you self labeled deadbeat then we just have to agree to disagree. It is what it is and you have free will.
With all that said, i do agree that the show deadbeats is negative and will merely be entertaining. It will send the wrong message to our children and put all the fathers labeled as deadbeats in the same category–rich or financially secure men who just decide to neglect their children. NOT TRUE. I’m looking forward to addressing all these negative statistics plaguing our society and families with the hopes that I can help some of these men see the detriment of their behavior and stop being so selfish labeling THEMSELVES as the victim, not the innocent chilren
It’s too bad the children who are a product of these broken families cant log in and give their input. It amazes me how the argument, especially from the labeled deadbeat, seems to be all about everything but the victim–the child! Life is full of obstacles and we can choose to avoid our responsibilities or overcome the challenge and be accountable. I am a young, hands on father of four and although my marriage is on the break down i cant imagine anyone getting in the way of me keeping a positive relationship with my children. I know i haven’t read one good one in any of the posts. I’m also a victim of deadbeat parents, both of them! I remember the feelings, the disapointments, and the countless sad moments that could of cost me my life. I remember feeling unwanted, neglected, and having low self-esteem as if my parents didnt find me important then who would? the gov’t, my estranged wife, the new husband, my lack of funds, etc would never prevent me from having a good relationship with my child–even if i’m unable to pay and labeled as a deadbeat. I want my children to always know who I am, how important they are to me,and what i’m willing to do so i can give them all they ask for–a hug, good advice, a good example of a man who can be responsible inspite of the countless obstacles. I want them to know that we as humans are defined by the way we cope with disapointments, challenges, and shortcomings.I want them to know that they are more important than me being financially ok as they are my motivation–f@$%* the gov’t or their mother if need be! I have countless friends who have been beat up by the system and life BUT they never neglected the child, even when they were behind on payments or suffering froma job or love loss. The future depends on our youth who are often lost due to our selfish behavior Please check the statistics on how children that grow up in fatherless homes compare to those who have both parents active in their life. If that doesnt move you self labeled deadbeat then we just have to agree to disagree. It is what it is and you have free will.
With all that said, i do agree that the show deadbeats is negative and will merely be entertaining. It will send the wrong message to our children and put all the fathers labeled as deadbeats in the same category–rich or financially secure men who just decide to neglect their children. NOT TRUE. I’m looking forward to addressing all these negative statistics plaguing our society and families with the hopes that I can help some of these men see the detriment of their behavior and stop being so selfish labeling THEMSELVES as the victim, not the innocent chilren