Sadness: My ‘Good Man’ is Gone
I felt it when I first awoke this morning. A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. One that squeezed at my heart and sent darkness flooding through my bloodstream.
My Good Man is gone.
And this day has not been the same without him.
I sent him away – or rather, I ended our correspondence. I knew it had to be done for I was growing too attached to him. Our geographical distance and life circumstances stood in the face of us ever growing into ‘more.’ And my longing for him had grown to where it matched those blissful moments of our communication, forcing the question: Is this worth it?
I had to decide: Continue investing my time and energy into more of the same – or end it and free my energy and time to channel elsewhere.
My rational, grown-up mind made the final decision…
But not without clamoring protest from my heart and soul.
I’ve thrown myself into my schedule today. And when I found myself laughing – like when my daughter put on a harmonica show and dance – I started filing it away to tell him about tonight.
But I can’t…
And my body aches…
And now…now, as I sit here with that too-familiar pain in my chest, I wonder: Can one become an expert at letting go? Does it ever get easier? Is it possible for the rational mind to have dominion over affairs of the heart if one experiences enough hurt?
(sigh) It doesn’t feel any easier this time round. The only difference is that I ‘know’ the pain will pass. I know, I know, I know…and yet I ‘feel’ all my knowing away.
I miss you more Mountain Man.