My Anger Towards Men Speaks: Second Year into my Divorce

Posted by Delaine - March 3, 2009 - Dating & Sex, Healing, Internet Dating, Phases/ Stages - 4 Comments

Over the past couple of months, men from the dating site, Lavalife, have started asking me the above question. The question comes in various renditions, from a simple “STILL on here, eh?” to “I can’t believe you still haven’t been snatched up!” Time and time again though, my reaction has been the same: to roll my eyes. I mean, do they think I don’t know that I’ve been on there for over a year? 

So today, I’m going to show you my Dark Side – that’s right, the part of me that’s irritated and enjoys having a sick laugh at men’s expense.  Why?  Cause my feelings are real, even though they’re mean, and they aren’t who I am.  And two, cause I know this is part of my healing journey post-divorce: having to come face-to-face  the shadow parts of who I am, even if it isn’t pretty.

In response to their emails, I imagine shocking them with a reply like:

1) The reason I’m still on here is because most of you men my age are fat and ugly.

2) I tend to date younger men cause they’re hot and fun in bed.

3) In your profiles, you all seem like carbon copies of one another – you’re “easy-going, go to the gym, work hard/play hard, enjoy hockey, drinking beer and playing pool…. ” Tell me, how is that suppose to be interesting to ME? Maybe you should date a guy.

4) Just cause I’m attractive and smart enough to put two sentences together doesn’t mean I’m looking for serious – that’s why I’m in the DATING section. Kapeesh?

5) No man I’m met thus far has really piqued my interest. Isn’t that pretty elementary to understand?

6) Do you not have anything better to do than act as the self-appointed dating police?

Sometimes I feel like the question is full of innuendo, like what they’re really asking is “So what’s wrong with you?” And that’s when I REALLY have fun with my imaginary replies; I want to make them run away screaming! Of course these are lies, but here’s what I think:

1) The reason I’m still on here is cause I’m actually a psycho divorcee who has so much baggage, I scare men off. Do you have a problem with my seeing a shrink three times a week?

2) At the core, I really hate men. But I’m working on it. Please be patient with me…

3) Because those photos I posted aren’t really me – I’m actually really ugly and 300 pounds but love to have phone sex.

4) Because I love money – money-money-money. Hate me if you must but a girl likes what a girl likes.

5) Because I don’t trim my pubic hair.  Or arm pit.  Or leg hair. Most men seem to have a problem with that – do YOU?

In the end, what I really say to these dating police officers is nothing. That’s right – absolutely nothing. I’ll just let them wonder…ponder…till they go away. Besides, I know part of them is using their question to entice me into communicating with them; that ploy is pretty transparent.

No…instead, I just roll my eyes at their messages, have a laugh and keep on with my day.  I don’t have to explain myself to any man. And I like it.

So there you have it: my darkness has spoken…and I hope I can forgive myself for it.