Hiding Tears from the Kids: Exhausting…but Necessary
A couple of days ago was the perfect example. I returned home from custody mediation with my ex with obviously red, puffy eyes. I came inside my house and immediately went downstairs to my office – I didn’t want my preschool daughter to see my puffy face. But once in the privacy of my office, I sat down and bawled.
But suddenly, the clock on my computer read lunchtime – I had to go pick up my boys from school for lunch. I ran to the bathroom and dowsed my face in cold water. “Get it together Delaine,” I told myself. “Find that happy face for the kids.”
And I did. I greeted them at school with that extra big smile and extra happy voice I’ve perfected this past year in times like these; you know – the ‘mini-eruptions’ that make you want to curl up in ball and sob, or scream at the top of your lungs; not act like Mrs Brady.
There have been many times I’ve had to put on this facade for my children this past year. And I always will because I want to shield them from upset; divorce crap is for the adults to wade through, not their kids.
But I have to be honest - sometimes it takes every last ounce of my spirit to find the energy to do so.
4 comments
I know exactly what your talking about and I think I can feel myself aging at those times – it’s really, really hard.
You’re a wonderful mother though Delanie. Your devotion to your kids shines through.
XO
Even when I put on a happy face, my kids see right through it.
We all do our best, Delaine. Hope it looks better soon.
(((hugs)))
It’s so difficult to put on that happy face for our little ones. Hang in there. It will get better.
You have expressed what I think pretty much every mother goes through. You’re right – divorce IS for the adults to wade through, NOT the kids. It takes courage and strength to put their needs before our own and we are tested beyond belief. You are a wonderful mother Delanie, it’s so obvious. You will be rewarded for your grand and selfless efforts, take heart!
XOXO